Wait For It (Sequel to Challenge Accepted)

Chapter Twenty-Three: How I Have Not Met Your Mother

"How have I not met your mother?" I asked. We were all sitting in our usual booth an MacLaren's, and it jut transpired that Barney and I are engaged and I've never met any of his family.

"What?" Barney asked.

"You two are engaged and you haven't met his family yet?" Questioned Lily. I shook my head, looking at Barney.

"I am. We are. I don't know. I'm gonna hit the bathroom, then bail."

"Ok, have you guys noticed Barney's been acting weird lately?" Lily asked.

"Actually, yes. You know how Barney always says never buy a girl flowers, because giving her a living thing reminds her of babies?"

"Sure." Robin said.

"Well, the other day, I saw him at that flower shop on 82nd buying roses." They all looked at me.

"They weren't for me." I assured them.

"Now that you mention it, Barney did do something kind of odd at the office yesterday. He was talking on the phone, and he was like, 'I'm thinking brunch, farmer's market, maybe a hike. I love you too. Bye.'." Marshall pointed out. They looked at me.

"Again...not me. Do you think...Could Barney be cheating on me?" I asked.

"Later." Barney said, kissing me.

"Wait, babe, where are you going?" I asked, grabbing his arm.

"Nowhere. The beach. It's winter. Laser Tag. Home. Shut up. You're going somewhere." He walked away.

Oh my gosh, he's meeting her right now." I leaned my head on my hands on the end of the table. Ted put a hand on my back.

"I'm sure it's not what you think. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this." Lily assured me.

"Well, you know what I say? I saw we follow him and find out." I said, standing up and grabbing my coat.

~~~

Marshall sat shot gun, me practically on Ted's lap, Lily and Robin on the other side of me.

"Where is Barney going?" Marshall inquired.

"Yeah, we're not even in Manhattan anymore." Ted pointed out, his hand pressed against my back. "Where's this girl live? Not, that it's a girl."

"Ooh, he's stopping." I watched as Barney walked up to a blue house, going inside. I got out, climbing over Ted and walking up to the front door, banging on it. Barney opened it, and we stormed in.

"What the heck are you guys doing here?"

"What the heck are you doing that you can't tell your fiancé about it?" I asked.

"Oh, hello." An older, red-headed woman greeted us.

"Uh...these are my friends. Ted, Marshall, Lily, Robin, and Lauren." Friends?

"Guys, this is Loretta. My mom."

"It's so nice to meet you. I feel like I already know you all. Barney goes on and on about you every day when we talk."

"You call your mom everyday?" I asked, smiling.

"No. Mom!"

"So that's what you were being all secretive about? you didn't want us to know you're a big ole mama's boy?" Lily questioned.

"Yup, you got me. Well, guess you guys can leave." I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"Oh...hello." A blonde girl came down the stairs, and I looked at Barney.

"You never told me about a sister, so...who is she?" I asked.

"Everyone, this is Betty...my wife." My eyes widened. A little boy ran up, jumping on his back. "And my son, Tyler." They all looked at me.

"Betty and I are gonna get dinner ready. They'll be plenty for everyone." Loretta told us.

"And remember you, only one slice of meat loaf after what Dr. Grossbar said about your cholesterol."

"This one wants me to live forever." Barney said.

"Guilty. I love you."

"I love you too." They kissed each other and I hid my face in Ted's shoulder.

"I love you three!"

"Get out of here you little scamp!" They all ran into the kitchen, and Barney turned around. "So I'll see you guys back at the bar?" I walked foreword, slapping him in the face

"What the heck, Barney!?" I asked.

"It's not what it looks like. It's a long story."

"Try me." I crossed my arms.

"As you know, my father had to leave my mom when I was a baby. She had to raise my brother and me by herself. And her only wish was for her sons not to wind up alone, like she was." I held out my arms, looking around at everyone.

"Am I invisible?!" I asked.

"This was before I met you. About seven years ago, she got really sick. It looked like she wasn't going to make it. So, I decided to make her wish come true. I hired an actress to play my fiancé 'Betty'. Her real name is Margaret. She mostly does off-Broadway theater. Wonderful actress. This close to a Tony. It's all who you know, it's very political, I shouldn't get into it. But, there's one problem. Betty has a slight tendency to go off book. She said she was pregnant. And then my mom got better." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Which, was miraculous. But it meant that I had to keep 'Betty' around and cast a kid to play my son Tyler."

"This is crazy. You actually cast your own son?"

"Well, for a while, I got by borrowing/babysitting my neighbor's baby. Then, this one Christmas, when my mom was plowed on eggnog, I got away with a bag of flour and a Chucky mask. But, eventually I had to hold auditions. And that's how the role of Tyler eventually went to Grant. "

"Come on, Grant seems pretty good." Ted told him.

"Oh, yeah? Watch this. Hey, Tyler. Tyler. Ty-ler. Grant."

"Yeah?" The kid asked.

"See? It's like amateur hour over here. Call me crazy, but child actors were way better back in the 80's. " I grabbed his arm, pulling him outside.

"You didn't think that this would be good to share with me? Maybe when I asked why we were engaged and I hadn't met your mother?" I asked.

"I'm sorry. I was wrapped up in this big elaborate lie, and-"

"Well, I assume you'll want your mother at our wedding, so you might want to tell her at some point."

"I can't tell her. It'll kill her." I raised my eyebrows.

"No, if you were still single it would kill her. But Barney..." I put my hands on his face. "Don't you think your mom would like to get to know your real fiancé?" He sighed, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Just give me a little bit of time, ok? I will tell you, I promise." I nodded. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"It's ok. To be honest, I prefer this to when I thought you were cheating on me...weird as it is." He laughed. "I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed me.