Wait For It (Sequel to Challenge Accepted)

Chapter Twenty: Doug and the Fight

"Cranberry Gin and Tonic...Scotch and Soda." Wendy the Waitress put a hand on Ted's shoulder, smiling sympathetically.

"Thank you." He said. She stayed there, looking at him. "Can I look at a menu?"

"Ted, I'm gonna go get you a menu, but I promise you...I will come back."

"Ok, we have to start going someplace else." Ted told us. "At this bar I'm always gonna be the guy who got left at the altar. It sucks."

"Ha ha. Good times." Barney said. I looked at him.

"What does that mean?"

"We lost Barney." Ted said.

"What do you mean?" Robin asked.

"Lauren's wearing a tight red sweater, so Barney's not listening to a word we're saying, right Barney?"

"Give me a break." He said, not taking his eyes off of me.

"See, he figured out a while back he could fake an entire conversation just by saying titles of black sitcoms from the seventies and eighties."

"What's happening?" I rolled my eyes, putting a hand on his face and pressing my mouth against his. He snapped out of his trance, looking up at me.

"Welcome back." I told him.

~~~Ted~~~

Lily and I exchanged a look as Lauren kissed Barney. My returning feelings had only gotten progressively worse since I first told Lily about it, and now Barney and Lauren were engaged.

"What the heck is this?"

I've told you kids about Doug, right? I haven't? Oh, well. Doug Martin was a bartender at McLaren's. He was always kind of around. Anyways, three things you need to know about Doug: The first thing is that Doug had a bit of a violent streak. The second thing was that he was weird about his hair. But the third thing is that he was very loyal to his regulars. Maybe a little too loyal. Side note, Lauren was his favorite, and she was terrified of him. So that's Doug.

~~~Lauren~~~

Doug came over and I scooted instinctively closer to Barney. He scares me. He's kind of had a crush on my for a year or two.

"Oh, some guys are sitting in our booth, but you know what? This is fine." Ted told him.

"It's cool, I'll take care of it. Ok?"

"Doug, it's really ok." I told him.

"Only the best for you all. I mean look how beautiful you are, Lauren. It's a crime to have you all the way back here." He walked away and I sighed.

"He scares me so much." I told them. We watched as they yelled back and forth and the guys got up, going out back. Doug came back over.

"Ladies, would you please adjourn to your usual booth. Gentlemen. I will require your assistance outside."

"Our assistance with what?" Ted asked.

"We're gonna go out in the alley and fight those guys."

"What's happening now?" Barney asked.

"I'm sorry, did you just say-"

"Those guys are being inconsiderate, ok? So we're gonna go outside and cave in their skulls, ok?" He slapped Ted's shoulder. "This'll be fun." He went out back. I turned to Barney.

"Please don't. I'm begging you, Please don't do that." I asked.

"He wants us to fight? With like, our hands and stuff?"