Sudden Love (Old Version)

Taking a gamble

Justin Bieber

It was that day I hated again, Monday, well actually I hate everyday so it does not really matter. Jason had left last night to go back to his house because he was here basically all weekend. Why was he so nice to me yesterday?

Was it all a joke to him?

Does he think it's funny to mess with my head?

Will he go back to hitting me today?

What am I thinking? Of course he will.

I can actually say that I had a pretty good weekend, I didn't get hit, I haven't cut, Demi helped me forget my problems for a little while and to be honest yesterday Jason made me forget too even though he is the one causing me these problems.

When we played all those games I felt normal, I felt like I had a friend, I felt like I could show my real self for once without having to be cautious.

When he helped me bowl and came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist, I just froze because I thought he was going to hit me but he didn't, I could feel his breath on my neck and it made me shiver.

Well we all know I find him attractive and when he is being nice like that, I really like his personality but which one is the real Jason? The nice one or the violent jerk?

After spending hours playing on different machines and skateboarding, my mum came home and she seemed really happy to see me actually having a good time, we all watched a film and then we ate dinner, well they ate dinner I just picked at it.

That is another thing, when my mum was telling me to eat, Jason kept telling me to eat what I could and for that I was thankful, I do not like to be pushed into doing things, I like to go at my own pace.

Jason is actually really funny when he wants to be, I don't laugh but he did make a few giggles slip my lips yesterday and I actually mentally slapped myself for letting him hear that.

I kind of hope that Jason will stay the way he was yesterday but I really doubt that is going to happen, no one can change that quick and like I said before I do not think it's possible for him to change, but never say never.

I rolled out of bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes then picked up my glasses from the bedside table and slipped them on my face, I might wear contacts one of these days I really hate my glasses because they just add to my ugliness.

I breathed a worn out sigh and went to the bathroom to take a shower, after my shower I walked to my sink to brush my teeth but stopped in my tracks as I saw the blade on the counter begging to be used.

Do it Justin you haven't cut all weekend.' My demon spoke.

'Don't Justin you have been doing so well' My heart was saying.

'Come on you deserve it you know you do.' The demon whispered teasingly.

I picked it up and held it to my wrist.

'Justin stop think about your mum, think about Jason.' My heart said.

Jason? Why would I think about him?

'You like him.' My heart said again, Uh no I don't.

'Just cut you worthless piece of shit.' My demon spoke again.

With that thought I sliced the blade through my skin wincing but loving the feeling of relief it bought me. I breathed out in relief and cut again, I kept on going until I hit seven cuts, that should be enough for now.