Sudden Love (Old Version)

Caught out

Justin Bieber

It's finally Friday, so that means the last day in this hell hole with these horrible things we call humans.

I do not like people.

Well I think I would if they treated me with respect but they don't so therefore i don't like them.

Derek and i have talked about ten words to each other all week and I am actually just about to give up on our friendship completely, we would say hi and then bye that was it, even if we had lessons together he would sit next to me but I wouldn't talk to him.

He told me that he did not fancy me any more which I was actually glad about and that he now liked Stacey which is one of the people that make me feel like crap, I was actually shocked I never thought he would like someone that made me feel so low of myself.

He told me that he was gay but now he's bisexual and that the way she is in school isn't the way she is when she is at home which may be true but she still made me feel completely worthless and I don't think I could forgive that easily. 

I got out of bed and sluggishly walked over to the bathroom to take a warm shower, I stripped of my pj's and got in the tub standing underneath the soothing water making my bruises and cuts feel a little better, I had been beaten all week by Jason and Britney nothing unusual there but every time Jason and I were alone to do the project he would hit me and stuff but then be nice and try to make me eat something.

I really don't get why he's being like that, I would actually prefer him beat me than have all the fake kindness, I don't need it and I don't want it, I like it when he's being nice but I know it isn't real.

I washed my body, face and hair then got out of the shower that I wish I could stand and drown in, I wiped the steam off my glasses and then slipped them back onto my face.

I have contacts and I would wear them but I'm just used to my glasses and I would obviously just get made fun of more for trying to be like everyone else. I have done about 24 cuts this week so far and I'm about to do another four or maybe six, whatever I feel like.  

One for being ugly 

Two for being fat 

Three for being worthless 

Four for being born 

Five for being a pathetic waste of space 

Six for being me

I decided to do six because I just wanted to make it up to thirty might as well right?

I have lost count on how many times I have cut into my ugly skin, many have been cut over and over again reopening the wounds but i don't care it makes me feel good.

I washed the blood off under the tap, dabbing the towel around my hips and then brushed my teeth, before going into my closet to get changed. I put on a pair of boxers and socks then a pair of grey jeans with a white v-neck that had a pattern on it, my purple leather jacket and black supras then walked back into the bathroom and blow dried my hair styling it then put my things in my backpack making my way downstairs.

I saw my mum in the living room drinking a cup of coffee while reading a magazine but when she saw me walk in she immediately dropped everything and gave me her full attention to which i didn't want.

I started to make my way over to her and mumbled a good morning plopping myself down in the seat next to her, "Good morning honey, how are you feeling?" She asked looking at me intently making me uncomfortable but i wouldn't tell her that.