How To Ruin Your Life

Step 9: Realize You Are Alone

It's ten thirty now, and I don't think I'm getting a response from Dad tonight. Looks like I need to find somewhere else to sleep.

The only problem is finding somewhere to go. I don't exactly have friends. I have a parasite named Assholovich, but what good is that?

Even if I were somehow able to get over my pride, I couldn't force myself to ask for his help. I crushed him today. I was a complete asshole to the only person who even pretends to like me. I can't just turn around and ask him to do me a favor.

The worst part is that Assholovich would probably willingly give me somewhere to sleep. The kid is too nice and naive for his own good. That's going to bite him in the ass one of these days.

But who am I to talk? I've got no one to talk to, nowhere to go, nothing to do. I am alone. I suppose I've been alone for quite some time now. I suppose I've been lucky that it hasn't had any more noticeable effects until this point.

But now, I'm forced to let this reality steep in my mind, slowly clouding everything I was once sure of. Maybe Audrey was friends with me out of pity. Maybe I am guilty of everything. No, I knew that.

I decide to walk around town. Maybe I'll just sleep on a park bench. That sounds rude and stereotypical. I'll find somewhere.

I hope that I really learn a lesson about being an asshole. Maybe this will be the moment when I finally realize that I need to stop being an asshole. I know that, in order to get people to like me, I have to be likable, and at this point, I seem to be doing everything to prevent that.

But, I suppose, that was the plan all along. I know that I don't deserve to have friends. I know I don't deserve a loving relationship with anyone. I don't deserve anything good. That's the whole point. I am purposely ruining my own life.

Why? Why am I doing this? This is stupid.

Because I deserve it. I fucked up. It might seem like it was a long time ago, but I was a cringe-worthy asshole before I was mean and cynical. I was bad. I was rude. I was unwilling to recognize my faults.

That's why it "damaged" me so much. It took too long for me to realize I was awful, and now I'm paying for it in self-punishment.

"Yo, Piper! Is that you?"

I look over at the silver compact car driving slowly on the road beside the cracked gray sidewalk. Andrew. I nod and give a quick wave.

Andrew drives his car to the curb beside me. "Hey, whatcha doing out here this late? Did ya folks lock ya out again?" He was referring to an incident that took place a few weeks back, when I had come in to work on a day I was supposed to have off.

"More or less." I don't want to give the explanation, and I'm sure he doesn't really want the detailed answer.

"Well, jump in."

I don't hesitate very long, knowing Andrew is not one to take no for an answer. He moves some stray papers off of the passenger seat and to the floor to make room for me. I sit on the seat, still warm from the last round of delivered pizzas, or so I suspect from him still being in his uniform.

"Work's been a pain since you've been gone, Pipes."

I shrug. No it hasn't. I didn't do my job well enough to keep people happy, so somebody got me fired. That's their right.

"Did you hear who got you fired?" I shake my head no. "It was Grey. He said you were being creepy and careless." He was right. "What a fucking killjoy, you know? He didn't need to get rid of you. You were my favorite one there!" He glances over at me quickly, before returning his eyes to the road. "But, yeah, man. Anyway, where're you headed? I'll drive you there."

"Don't know. Anywhere, I guess. Thanks." Andy knows better than to ask anymore. He knows I've got some shit, and he knows not to question it.

The car was quiet except for the quiet strings playing through the radio. Andrew is one of the last people you'd think would listen to classical music, but I guess people are never what you expect.

Andrew is one of the few people I don't dislike. He's kind of a friend, I guess. It's a loose term, but I guess that's what it is.

After about twenty minutes of light conversation, Andy stops his car in front of a blue house by my part of town. "Well, I've got to get home, Pipes, so the trip ends here." He went back into town, but he didn't go to my house. I don't think he knew where to drop me off, so he just chose somewhere random.

"Cool. Thanks for the ride." I hop out of the car and barely set foot onto the sidewalk before he's at the end of the street.

Nothing reminds you just how unwanted you are like speeding away. I am truly alone. I have nowhere to go. There's no chance I'm getting anywhere to sleep. I'm kind of fucked.

I lay down on the sidewalk, realizing that it's probably the best option I've got. Before long, my eyes droop and sleep fills my body.