How To Ruin Your Life

Step 4: Be In Love With Someone Who Doesn't Like You Back

I just hardly finish the rest of the dishes by the time my coworkers start showing up.

First to arrive, as always, is Grey. "Hey, Piper. How're you doing?" He comes unnecessarily close to me as I shrug, which I can't help but like. I want to push myself closer, pretend like I accidentally bumped into him or something, but something is weird tonight.

Grey puts his hand on my shoulder as he walks by, sending shivers and goosebumps throughout my body. I curl my lips in. God, I love him.

He's the only guy I've ever felt any kind of romantic interest in. He has such a great personality and he's not bad on the eyes. Also, I think I might have a chance with him. He keeps talking to me about this girl that he likes. I mean, that's what guys do in stories when they like you.

"So, Piper, I'm think I'm going to ask the girl I was telling you about out today. How do you think I should do it?"

Oh my God! He might ask me out today! I attempt to calm myself by taking a deep breath. "You should just go up to her, next time you see her, and just tell her. Tell her what you think about her. Then, just ask her." I begin to feel faint, I'm so excited.

"Are you sure that will work?"

"Yes. I'm sure whoever this girl is would love to make you her boyfriend." I hope that wasn't too bold to say.

He smiles widely. "Okay. Thank you, Piper." He hugs me for a moment, and I wait for him to tell me that he likes me.

I wait, my eyes still closed, and by the time I open them, Grey is over by Joyce, flirting with her, she's smiling. He says something that I can't hear because the sound of blood rushing through my ears is deafening at this point, to which Joyce responds by jumping on him with a hug.

I feel like I'm going to die. Nothing feels right. I thought all this time he liked me, but in reality, he couldn't care any less for me. I begin to walk off in search for a place to have a silent breakdown. No. I need to be strong. This is what I get for assuming. This is the price of naivety.

Joyce walks over to me excitedly. "Piper! Grey finally asked me out! Can you believe it?"

In a kind of daze, I reply, "No."

"Me neither! I'm so happy!" She picks me up and spins me around, only making me feel more and more nauseated. Joyce notices this. "You okay, Piper?"

I nod. "Yep, just a little dizzy." Thank God, Joyce takes the bait.

"Oh, well feel better!"

"Thanks." Don't get me wrong; I love Joyce to death. She's the closest thing I have to a friend. I'm just being a naive little bitch right now.

Everything hurts. I guess that's what I get for being so naive. I begin to make a pizza, spreading the tomato sauce on the crust. I do it again, then again, then again, until all of the sudden, there's no more crusts to be covered in sauce.

I start to make more crusts when a hand stops me. "Whoa, calm down, Piper. Nobody's even called in for a pizza yet." I turn around to face Grey, who looks like he just saw a horror film.

"Chill. It's just a couple of pizzas. No big deal." As the words burst out of my mouth, I realized how uncharacteristic it was of me to say something like that. Act like a normal human, Piper, you little shit. The world doesn't revolve around you.

"What's wrong with you?"

Well, I don't know. Where should we start? I'm a naive little bastard, I'm a jerk, I just had my heart broken, I've been dealing with more shot than you could ever imagine. I don't know. What is wrong with me?

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Whatever." That's right; stay the fuck away from me.