How To Ruin Your Life

Step 7: Be Aggravated With Yourself and Take It Out On Others

Try to, try to forget, that your bones will dismantle and the dreams you had, they'll collide with time. Your unrequited love for life will surely halt that I'm thinking way too much at night.

The Modern Baseball lyrics crashed through my head, scolding me for even believing for a moment that I could trust Nikolai. I even wanted to apologize. Dad would say I'm being a pussy.

I get back to my house, the empty house causing me to realize that Dad didn't even notice I was gone. I should be happy that he trusts me enough to not worry about me. But, for some reason, it hurts.

God dammit! I am just a petty bitch, just like Dad says. Damn. I wish I could just grow up and be better, but here I am, on the verge of fucking tears because I'm butthurt. Butthurt that Dad didn't notice I was gone. Butthurt that Nikolai was hanging out with Audrey. Butthurt because I am weak.

A tear threatens to slip out, burning my eyes, and I realize that I need to gain control of myself. Now is not the time to cry. I need to do something. I run up to my room and grab a book. The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. It might sound weird, but this is what Dad read to me as a child, before everything went downhill. (Haha, a poorly-timed pun!)

I don't quite understand why a man pushing a rock up a hill, only to have it inevitably fall back to the ground and endless ideas of absurdity are so calming to me, but nonetheless, I fall asleep reading the book.

The sound of knocking at the door wakes me. Moaning, I grab the book and walk towards the door. I try to peek outside, but I am unable to.

I crack the door open. "Piper, I'm really sorry." I shut the door, not wanting to hear anymore.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too. Sorry that you wasted your time. Go home."

Though I the sound is a little muffled, I hear a response. "Piper, I'm sorry for hanging out with Audrey. I know you said I could, but I knew that you didn't really want that. You keep pretending-----"

"Go home! I don't want to talk to y---"

"No! You know what? You need to listen to me. I have listened to you plenty of times, but now it's time for you to listen to me!"

Wow. I didn't think this boy could yell. I stay silent and listen, despite my underlying want to walk away, and swing the door open. I glare at him, even though I know that he's being nicer to me than anyone ever has.

"Piper, I'm sorry for all the shit you've been through. I shouldn't have been so rude as to invite Audrey over when you've just gotten fired."

I shrug my shoulders. "It's your life. Do what you want. My thoughts shouldn't have any weight in your decisions anyway. It's not like we're friends."

The hurt in his face almost makes me take it back. Almost.

He quickly brushes off the comment. "I know that you don't mean that. I know that you'll deny it with every fiber of your being, every breath in your lungs, but we're friends. I know that you know that much."

My glare shifts to the floor. Who the hell does he think he is? I begin to chew on the inside of my lip, running though every word he said. Who the hell does he think he is?

"I know that something terrible happened to you, so why won't you just tell me?"

"Who put you up to this? Was it Audrey? It was Audrey, wasn't it? Since you're such great friends with her, why don't you go back to your play-date with her? I'm sure she'd appreciate your company more than I do."

Nikolai begin to walk off, but turns around to say, "You know what? I hope you have a great day."

I slam the door. He can keep his bullshit to himself. I don't need him, and I don't need friends. I pick up the book by Camus which I had dropped while slamming the door.

I'm going to read myself into oblivion.