Chapter Twenty-One - Let's Get Our Crap Together

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The next morning, Sam came down to the kitchen where Dean was eating breakfast.

"I, uh, I was planning on going over to Gabriel's house today. Do you want to come?" Sam asked. Dean looked up.

"Sure. I'll drive," he said, smiling. Sam smiled too, grabbing some cereal.

The two of them ate breakfast together in a comfortable silence and drove to the Novak house in the same way.

When Sam knocked on the door, Gabriel was the one that answered.

"Moose!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms around Sam. Sam smiled and the three of them walked inside.

"Cassie's upstairs," Gabe said.

"Thanks," Dean said, turning and walking up the stairs. When he poked his head in Cas' door, he was greeted by the sight of Cas sitting on his bed, staring at his phone without a shirt on. It was then, staring at Cas' scarred skin, that Dean realized he'd never seen Cas without clothes on in direct light. Cas glanced up and noticed Dean, jumping up from the bed. Dean took a step inside the door, unable to tear his eyes away from the thin, straight scars that littered his arms and stomach. Cas started for his dresser, but Dean grabbed his arm. Cas looked uncomfortable, and almost ashamed. He picked up his phone.

I know you don't like this. Please let me get a shirt.

"If you really want to. But these are a part of you. Of course I don't like thinking about you hurting yourself, but you shouldn't feel ashamed because of me," Dean said, lifting Cas' forearm and pressing his lips to Cas' ridged skin. Cas watched Dean as he raised his head back up, lacing his fingers between Cas' and staring into his eyes. Cas led Dean back to the bed and sat down on it. Dean sat next to him.

Did you sleep okay last night? No dreams, good, bad, or... sexy? ;)

Dean smiled at that glimpse of the old Cas. Neither of them brought up Cas' scars for the rest of the conversation, but they didn't need to. Everything they needed to say had been said.

***

Is stuff with Charlie still bad? Maybe you should try talking to her.

Dean stared at the wall. At this point, the two of them were sitting next to each other on the bed, holding hands.

"I guess. I just hate that it's you or her right now," he said.

Maybe she'll see that it doesn't have to be that way.

"I'll try on Monday," Dean said. Cas nodded, satisfied.

"If you don't mind me asking... why did you never let anyone see this side of you?" Dean asked. Cas stared at their intertwined hands.

I didn't handle everything very well. I ended up blaming myself for a lot. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. So I... hurt people. It sounds crazy, but it made sense to me. It still does.

"I guess I can see that. I just hope I'm not going to lose ground with you," Dean said.

Don't worry. I might make a few sex jokes just to make you squirm, but I think I'm past my heart breaking phase.

Dean rolled his eyes but he couldn't help a small blush creeping up his cheeks.

***

When Monday morning rolled around, Dean was ready. Charlie was going to understand this time.

"Charlie, can we talk?" Dean asked, walking up to her before their first class. Charlie turned to look at him.

"About what?" She asked. Her tone was cold, but the fact that she was even giving him a chance filled Dean with hope.

"Look, I'm sorry everything with Cas happened the way it did. You deserved better. But I just wanted to help Cas. And I did. He's better, and... and I really like him," Dean said. Charlie stared at him in silence for a moment.

"Fine," she said eventually. "But you are going to have to buy me a lot of ice cream for this."

"I was expecting nothing less," Dean said, smiling. Charlie smiled at him and turned around, walking away. Dean watched her go, and couldn't help but smile. Dad, if you could see me now... screw you, old man.

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