Book Reviews ↠ all types

Review 33 ↠ Skinny Love

Title: Skinny Love

Author: @byebyetommo_

Genre: Fanfiction 

Rating: 6.5

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Hello there, Ayana. I have to say, I was rather excited to read your book. I think it comes across as very interesting. It probably helped that I love Bon Iver and Birdie too. Your little prologue obviously does a good job of drawing people in, but I would recommend making it a little more captivating if you can later on.

I love the font you’ve got on your cover. It’s very pretty and simple, which is something your title really calls for. However, I’m not sure if it’s your username in the top left-hand corner or not. Also, I don’t really understand why Harry has wings. Is he an angel in the story? There isn’t any clarification. It does its job though.

There were quite a few spelling errors that I noticed. They were minor issues, but I would recommend going back in and fixing them. You seem to have some spacing problems too. I guess its where you are using a time gap, but it would look better if you would just space a line, add some sort of barrier, and space another line. Otherwise your story ends up looking very broken up. The second chapter has dialogue in italics, which is fine, but there are lots of capitalization errors in it. All things considered, I would recommend doing some light editing.

Plot wise, I think you’re moving the relationship along way too quickly. When Harry is introduced to the story he is harsh and standoffish. He then immediately becomes a soft, cuddly teddy bear. That doesn’t make any sense. The actions you have him perform move at such an unrealistic pace that I didn’t really want to read it. I mean, he bought her a phone after one conversation-which I would have understood, if he had broken hers or something. By the end of chapter three he’s asking her out in the middle of the night- what? In chapter five they say they love one another. I just don’t understand where everything is going- specifically with the depression and drunk father in chapter one. If she were truly as depressed as you portray, she most certainly wouldn’t have taken to Harry the way she did.

I think you should go back in and work on your plot mainly. It just needs a bit of help. Obviously, it has great potential. I think it just needs a bit of tender loving care. Please keep writing in this book, but try to slow it down, all right? Keep up your confidence. Try to figure out what exactly your goal for this book is and then go from there. x