Like an Unfinished Puzzle *Toshiro Hitsugaya fan-fiction*

Like an Unfinished Puzzle *Chapter 7*

*Toshiro's p.o.v*

*1 hour later*

"Thank you sir." I said. Bowing respectfully, I got out of the chair and exited the office.

My entire body was numb. My knees weakened, my breath came out in short pants, and my mind flew away. I couldn't think straight; I couldn't think at all. My heart raced at such a fast pace that I couldn't keep up with it, yet at the same time, it stopped altogether and dropped to my stomach. How else could I react to this? And if I could, how would I explain it? Could I be able to explain the agonisingly slow, painful way of how my heart feels? Or how the tears threatened to escape my eyes so hungrily that I had to fight to contain them? Or how my voice wished to rise and thrash out loud to no extent to tame my anger? How can I explain this?

That's just it... I can't.

How can I explain everything that came to my thoughts when I realize I could lose her again?

Anami is going to be sentenced to death and be executed in front of everyone. And I was the cause of it.

Breathing out deeply, my legs moved unwillingly back to my office. My surroundings flew past me in a blur. I was too absorbed in my anger, helplessness, and confusion. How could I tell her this? I promised to myself that I would protect her from now on to as much as I can, but, like I said, I even have limitations that I wish I didn't have. However, even though it'll break me in the process, I think I need to break this promise.

Just as I thought that, my feel gave out on me, and I crashed to the floor.

I noticed the familiar green rug with golden accents of my office. Looking up, I can see the once sun-filled room, now a dull, lifeless excuse-of-a-space that means, and will always be, nothing to me anymore. I remember when I first accepted the position as being captain of Squad 10. I can still remember the feeling of my hidden excitement when I walked into this office and realized that... this was official. I was captain. To me, back then, all of my sacrifices seemed worth everything to me; not, being captain means nothing to me, and I don't give a damn about it. In fact, I detest the thought of knowing the thing I worked for and earned in those few years in the academy is what is keeping me from saving the very person who is right now trusting me with their life because they don't know who to trust anymore. All of the limitations is what making me feel this. All of my happiness, excitement, and proudness had faded away, disappeared, and had been replaced by resentment and regret.

Clutching the desk for supporting, I try my hardest to lift myself upright, but my knees shook violently. I leaned against the desk, holding on tightly, and hunched over. My hands gripped on the edge tighter as I lost my footing due to my legs shaking and shivering uncontrollably. My stomach landed on top of my desk. I forced my elbows straight, still facing down. Painting even more, I close my eyes tightly and held my breath. The familiar feeling of wanting to vomit overwhelmed my other senses and reactions; it was so overpowering, I didn't focus on anything else but that sensation. I clenched and barred my teeth together and let out a small grunt of pain. Suddenly, I felt something wet fall on my hand, and I instantly stopped struggling. My eyes opened immediately on its own accord, but I fought the urge to look down. I was scared, afraid it would be what I desperately wished it wasn't. However, my eyes wandered against my will down to my hand. The unfamiliar pale skin on my hand had one wet drop in a perfect circle. My eyes blurred as another spot appeared.

Teardrops. My fears had been right. I'm crying.

One slipped down my cheek, then another, and then a downpour happened. The more tears that fell, the more useless I felt. I felt weak, selfish, and sensitive.

Because of me, Anami is going to die. And because of Anami, I can't do anything about it.

I wish none of this ever happened, from when Rangiku found me, when I was a kid, to now. I wish I wasn't convinced to go to the Academy; instead, I wish I could've been, right now, with my grandmother, eating watermelon like nothing was wrong. I wish I still had the dame peaceful, worry-free life I used to have instead of this miserable life. Then, maybe Anami wouldn't be in this position. But if I didn't, how different would this be? MY grandmother would of probably froze to death, and I wouldn't of met... Anami.