The Deepest Desire of our Hearts (Severus Snape fanfic) (Watty Awards 2012)

Chapter 6- Truth

       I wondered whether Albus had been right about the boy after all; the last time I saw Potter, I had been fleeing Hogwarts having just murdered Dumbledore atop the AstronomyTower. I had yet to apologise or even explain myself, and was thus surprised the boy hadn’t made to torture me further in my death to punish me for all the loved ones he had lost because of me.

But the boy remained still, watching me silently, whether in horror or sorrow, I could not tell. Despite all that I had done to him, I could see the concern in his eyes: sadness that someone else’s life was being lost in this battle. I could barely move, but his green eyes reminded me of what happened between us six years ago. Although he would discover the truth when he used the pensive, I felt a desire to speak- to tell him what I had refused anyone to know for so many years.

        I used my last ounce of energy to speak; this was my final opportunity to tell him what he had desperately wished to know from Albus all those years ago.

“I see her,” I croaked, my throat dry as I struggled to talk- to breathe.

My voice made Potter jump in surprise; apparently he thought I was near dead. But he looked keenly at me and I knew he wanted to understand my words.

“I see her,” I repeated again in a trembling voice; speech was making me feel weaker and weaker.

Potter turned to look over his shoulder; Miss Granger and Mr Weasley were at a loss as well. Clearly, he did not understand what I was talking about.

“If you see someone, you can go to them Professor Snape, it’s okay,” he encouraged me. His response would have amused me; as if I would be going to Heaven, but I was eager to explain myself.

“The mirror,” I reminded him in a tone that was barely more than a whisper.

Potter’s eyes widened with understanding; I saw a woman in the Mirror of Erised.

He stared at me silently for a moment, perhaps waiting for me to provide a name. But I could not speak of her. Yes, I wanted the boy to know the truth, but I could not find the strength to say her name.

Potter didn’t wait for long for my response, and apparently he didn’t spend the silence trying to work it out; he was no longer interested in the knowledge. Now, he was studying my injury as if he wanted to help me, and I wondered whether his fleeting desire to save me was so he could discover more about my experience with the Mirror, and not simply know the name of whoever I saw. And knowing Potter’s curiosity, he would undoubtedly wish to question me when he found out I loved his mother. But my life was quickly dissipating, so I knew it would be a hopeless for either of us to desire that chance.

I had mere seconds left, but I needed to do one last thing.

I pulled him gently towards me.

“Look… at… me…”

He did.

My final moment on Earth was a blissful one; I died looking into Lily’s eyes. I felt comforted and safe, their bright green colour leading me to wherever it was I needed to go. I did not know what would happen to me- my spirit- my soul, damaged and torn, but wherever I went, I hoped to see Lily and her beautiful green eyes one last time.

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Harry’s POV

       What I was seeing seemed unbelievable, but at the same time, I knew it was all true. The way Professor Snape looked at me before he died… there were no words to describe how I felt. And now I felt like I was witnessing a dream- a fantasy; I could not believe that this was Professor Snape’s life. The idea that he loved a woman so much as to protect her son… the realisation that that son was me, that that woman was my mum. I wished someone had told me… I had given him so little credit… made so many assumptions. He had a much harder life than I ever could have guessed.