The Things Left Unsaid

Christopher Philip Davidson : The Teacher

As a teacher you get used to seeing students grow up and leave, whether thats moving or graduating, you get used to it. But no amount of getting used to it will prepare you for when you recieve news that a student of yours- a brilliant student- was missing, or the feeling that comes when you hear two days later that student is dead. But the weight of grief that comes when you hear that that student had committed suicide. It is like ten tons falling into your stomach.

Abigail Anderson was a great student. She was smart, she worked hard, and she had great grades. She didnt just do her work though, she actively participated in class, she never let peoples snide remarks get to her visibly.

Its been nearly two months and its still all so serile like shes not really gone. Every morning I sit at my desk and call roll, every morning I almost call her name. The day after her death was announced I actually did; the room was dead silent for a second before Abbie's best friend Jane started sobbing and ran out of the room. A week after her death was ruled a suicide the school decided that each teachers should talk to our classes about suicide, about how bullying could lead to suicide, how we, adults, would always be available to talk to anyone who would like to; and of course that the counselors were always available if anyone needed to talk to them about what had happened. No one said her name, no one dared to say her name, but one student did ask "If you adults are always available where were you guys when she needed you? Why weren't you guys there for her?"  It was not a question I hadnt asked myself before. And I didnt plan on denying the fact that he was right.

Why weren't we there for her?  Why couldn't we see her suffering?  What right did we have to say we are there for people when it took a young girl to kill herself for us to act?

A hundred questions swirled through my head. Could I have done anyonething to stop it? Should I have noticed it? Maybe if I had caught on to it beforehand, asked her to stay after class... maybe if I had done something  I could have stopped it. I could have talked to her parents made sure they kept a close eye. I could have talked to the school about the bullying. I could have done alot of things but I didn't, because I was too blind.

I'm sure alot of people are hurting, and I know Abigail touched the lives of eveyone around her. I can't imagine the pain her friends and family are going through, and I wish I could have done more for them.