The Things Left Unsaid

Jackson Dean Evans: The Love Intrest

     It was still hard to believe she was gone, Abbie of all people. She was the happiest person I'd ever met, at least I thought she was. She was like this little ball of sunshine that was incapable of having a frown on her face. I should have noticed the depression, noticed it eating at her, until there was nothing left to take. I keep thinking maybe if I had told her how I felt, maybe if I made her see how important she was to me- to EVERYBODY. I loved Abbie, I never got the chance to tell her but I did. We weren't best friends, but we were close, she had this way of making you feel completely at peace. I only met her two years ago, in eighth grade, we're sophomores, sophomores! Abigail Anderson was only 16 year-old and she took her life because a few girls took it upon themselves to tell her things that weren't true because of their own self-confidence issues.

Abbie wasn't popular,  she never really cared if she was or not, but she was loved. She had her family: her brother, her mom, and her dad. They weren't perfect but they loved her. She had her friends: she had Jane, Kali, Tyler, Francine, Maya, me, and so many more. She could make friends wherever she went. Maybe thats why her death was such a shock, Because even to the last minute I saw her, the signs weren't there. I cant help but wonder: if maybe I could have stopped it, maybe if I had just manned up and told her I felt- how I had felt for a little over a year- maybe three little words would have changed everything.

I met Abbie in English class, it started as a partner project, she was suposed to work with her friend crystal but when they stopped being friends, we swiched partners: I got Abbie, Crystal got my partner. After spending a month on the project together we started to hang out more and more. Eventually I started to sit with her group at lunch and that was that- until about 4 months afterwards when I stupidly fell for her.

Its not fair to act as though im the only person affected by this. I cant pretend I was there for her when she needed me either, but I should have been there. I should have told her how I felt. I should have done something.

I remember the first time we talked; it wasnt magical, actually it was quite the opposite.

Flashback

"Is this seat taken?" She asked, I looked up, surprised.

"No, you can take it"  I said, she smiled her beautiful smile as she sat down next to me.

"Thanks." 

She waited a few seconds as our eighth grade English teacher took attendance before she turned to me.

"Will you trade me partners?" I looked at her, confused.

"I thought you were paired up with Crystal. "  she rolled her eyes.

"I was, but we arent friends anymore because she would rather be friends with Rachel Shoinfeild." I nodded to show I understood, Abbie laughed in disgust, "If I'm ever like that? If i ever become popular obsessed, Shoot me."
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After that we became close friends, we ended up as partners rather than Rachel and I. She invited me to sit at lunch, we hung out outside of school. At first it was just her I was friends with, but now her group is mine as well, and since she's passed Jane and I have become closer. I just wish I had told her how I felt.