Fragile Heart

Moving Forward

After hearing what she said, I burst into tears. Louise then stood up and patted my shoulder, "let the future worry about itself and focus on the here and the now, enjoy while its still here" thats what she told me. She returned to sitting in front of me put ice in her glass and poured beer in it.

L: if you feel like your wings are being clipped tell him that, I think hed understand and are you gonna promise me not to do something irrational?
M: I promise (she kept reminding me and I know what she meant about irrational. )
L: running away from it wont solve it.

She is right, but how can I tell Stephen about my sentiments. And if I chose to lessen them, wont I be hurt in the end? But I guess its for the better. But when will I tell him? Will I be ready to tell him to stop worrying about me, when everytime he is around my heart flutters and im happy.  Will I be able to tell him? I poured beer in my glass and drank it. We both then fell silent and was just listening to the music that is playing in the background and whats ironic is that its a song that talks about asking himself what ifs, and the chorus went on like this

" what about love, what about feeling, what about all the things that makes life worth living what about faith what about trust and tell me baby what about us"

But there is never an us to begin with. Then again tears flowed, Louise just look at me and let my tears flow.

L: I dont know what you really are feeling right now, I know you are still moving forward to someone. I may not understand the extent of pain you are feeling right now, but know this, im here to accompany you through thick and thin.

She was right, she is the bestfriend I know would stick with me with whatever nonsense im going through. Although tears are still flowing, I gave her an assuring smile that I felt them, everything she said. That we are bestfriends through and through. Then a song "someday by nina" played. She jokingly said that this should be my song for someone. Ever since earlier songs like this have been playing in the background, I just didnt paid much attention not until now. The song finished and sister beyonce started singing "to the left to the left, everything you own in the box to the left". We sang along with it like idiots while holding a glass. After that speech we started laughing our asses again. You could say if you see us that we are two drunk idiots who refuses to admit that they are drunk. But we are not drunk yet, we kept drinking until it was dawn. Then Louise chose to sleep in my bedroom. I was left cleaning our mess there are still bottles of beer left unopened so I decided to finish them. I put ice in my glass and opened another bottle of beer and drink. Told you we have plenty of grilled food there are still plenty of them left, i was drinking a glass and I pondered to the idea of when am I ready to tell Stephen about my dilemma and if I had already moved forward from Carlos.

Days passed after that drinking session we had. Louise still checks on me and same as Stephen asking about my vacation. I got bored just staying in the house so I decided to go out and head to the mall. Entered stores after stores, after all I decided to treat myself. I bought myself shirts and jeans and felt happy with it. I went to buy a new book to read and decided to head to starbucks and bought myself strawberry frappe, I was happy and excited to read the book I just bought. I was in the middle of reading when a familiar voice caught my attention. When I look at it, it was Stephen and with a girl, his arm strapped around her waist and they were chatting. How could I miss not hearing him when I was sitting near the glass walls. He didnt see me yet, I followed them where they went and I saw that they went inside a restaurant fronting starbucks. I have mixed emotions after seeing him with a girl. I put my book into the bags I was carrying finished my frappe and with a heavy heart left. Today is supposed to be a good day for me. I bought pairs of clothes and a good book. Questions run into my head. I arrived in the house and head directly to my room. Showered changed clothes and sulked in my bed. The day I feared I guess arrived. He is leaving me. I cried to the thought until I fell asleep.

I was sulking all through out until I recieved a text from Louise.

L: how are you holding up?
M: im ok
L: sure about that?
M: 100% sure about it.

Our texting got interrupted with Stephen texting me.

S: hey stranger hows vacation going in?

I didnt reply instead sent a text to Louise.

M: Stephen texted asking about my vacay
L: did you reply?
M: no

Again it was interrupted by a series of text from him.

S: not responding? Busy?
S: how are you?
S: found another guy?
S: hey?
S: whats up? Still no reply?
S: im calling you! Wait can I call?

I told Louise about his text but she chose not to comment to it, saying decisions are mine to make after all. She then excused herself that she is going to sleep.

She bailed out, what im going to do? And then a call flashed, it was from Stephen. But I didnt pick up the call. Then he sent a text again.

S: hey whats up? Why didnt you pick up my call.
S: still busy that you have no time for me?
S: already forgot about me?
S: respond to me when you read this.

I chose to ignore his texts. Why is he bothering, he got a girl already. And seeing it, he was bubbly and sweet to that girl. I jacked in my phone and played a song its from " Leigh Nash - ocean size love" I just let it play until I fell asleep.