Destined with the Bad Girl ➸ Camren Fanfic

Lauren's Side of Truth

Lauren's expression slowly soften, and I took that chance to pull her in for a tight hug. A hug where she can feel safe. That she's not alone. And most importantly, how important she is to me and how much I love her and want her even though she's broken. And that whatever happened in the past, it will never be enough to change my love for her.

"I don't deserve you. I'm a fucking monster. I'm a broken person. You don't deserve a bullshit person like me, Camila. Just...just walk away from me, please. I don't have any control of myself anymore. I don't want to hurt you."

I shake my head before I cupped her cheeks, "Do you think pushing me away won't hurt me? It will, Lauren. It will kill the hell out of me. I already saw your bad side and look, I'm still staying. When I chose to love you, it's not because you look so fucking beautiful or because you snatch my heart away because of your words. I fell In love with you because you are you. I love you and your mind, your demons, all of your insecurities, all of them. I love them. I can't just walk away from you."

"I...I killed her. I killed her, Camila." Lauren confessed with a overwhleming guilt in her eyes as she cries uncontrollably in my hands.

"No, you didn't. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault."

"Yes, it is! I-I forced Keana to take drugs even though she don't want to. I said if she really loves me then she will do it or else I will leave her. And because of that, she did it. Until one day, I decided to stop using it. I want to change my life because I knew this is the woman I want to spent my entire life with. I don't want to fuck it up. But it's too late, Camz. It's too late. She's already addicted to it and I can't even stop her from using it. She chose drugs over me and it hurts me so much so I avoided her for a week. She tried to call me but I refused to answer it. Until my birthday came, I received a text message from her saying sorry and that she can't live without me and she's hurting everytime I rejected her. She even said that "Today, I promise to you that I will change for us." and that made me really happy. Incredibly happy, because I finally have my Keana back. I hurriedly go over to her apartment. I even bought her favorite flowers." Lauren stop from talking. Tears continously running down her face while facing down so I rubbed her back to comfort her.

"It's okay, baby. If you're not ready to tell it then it's totally fine."

"No, I'm good." Lauren sobbed, "I was 30 steps closer to her aparment when I saw a lot of people all over her place. I was stunned for a moment when I saw a paramedic coming inside of her apartment with a stretcher on hand. I saw Normani and Dinah standing beside her apartment door crying. Until realization hits me. I saw Keana laying on the stretcher, she's so pale and her hair is still wet. I don't know what to do at that time. It feels like my whole world shuts down and everything is nothing but a loud painful silence and endless darkness. But despite of it, I still gather my composure because I know Keana needs me to be there by her side. I run towards her, crying. Longing to feel her in my arms, but then my face collided with Normani's fist. I will never forget the look on her eyes that day. I feel so scared the longer I stare on her eyes until Normani grabbed the collar of my shirt and beat the hell out of me. She didn't stop until my right eye is swollen and blood flowing all over my face. Dinah stopped her saying, "It's useless." but I think I deserve more of it. I feel so hopeless that time. My body is aching but I don't give a fuck about myself nor what I feel. I followed them in the hospital where Keana was taken. When I got there, I saw her family along with Dinah and Normani. They were all crying outside her room. Then the doctor came out saying they tried everything they can but it's too late. I rush to him and beg him to come back inside the room and revive Keana. I don't care if I looked stupid or what, all I want is to bring her back to life but he shakes his head and said that we need to accept the truth. She died because of heart attack by taking so much cocaine. Then...then her father grabbed the collar of my shirt and blame it all to me which I gladly accepted because I am the very reason why Keana died. It's all my fucking fault. I destroyed the life of the woman I love the most. I was so broken and hurt at that time. Drugs and alcohol are the only ones who were there for me when the world turn it's back on me. And so I became the monster I am before. The monster who killed Keana. My heart became cold as ice, I keep cursing the whole world for doing this to me. And now that I'm okay and you're in my life, everything is coming back to haunt me. So tell me, Camila. Do you still want me? Do you still wish to stay by my side despite of what I've done? Do you still want to be with a murderer like me? Will you still look at me like I'm the only beating heart in the world?"