Blue (Destiel Highschool AU)

Chapter 4

Eventually the prospect of 4 o'clock couldn't come quicker. I sat at my desk in my history class, my leg bouncing up and down under the table. The bell rang. It seemed louder now that I'd been waiting for it. The deafening ringing made my stomach somersault. I stood up and walked to the school gym where it was being held, but I didn't really feel like it was me walking. I felt like I was watching myself from above my body. Another side affect of the panic attacks.

Once I got to the gym I leaned against the door, my heart hammering against my rib cage. I took deep slow breaths and told myself I'd be ok. These people barely knew me, and I didn't need to tell them anything.

Half way through my internal pep talk I heard footsteps coming round the corner. I pushed off the wall so that I didn't appear to be recovering from a panic attack. When I looked up I saw Dean approaching and my heart sped up again. I was worried he'd mention the fight I walked in on yesterday, but instead he glided straight passed me. "You ok?" He asked suddenly stopping outside the door. Now he was closer I saw he looked tired but he was smiling anyway and I couldn't help the butterflies pattering against the walls of my stomach.

The lump in my throat made me unable to speak but I managed to nod slightly, a small blush creeping across the tips of my ears. He laughed at the nod and I recalled our conversation the night of the party. Dean turned to the red door leading into the gym and opened it. He stepped through and I let out a shaky breath pleased it wasn't too awkward. Then he turned back around still holding the door open.

"You coming?" He asked, his green eyes glinting as he smiled. I glanced down at my hands briefly. They were remotely steady so I nodded muttering a quiet "thank you" but I'm not sure he heard me, he was already strolling into the gym casually.

It was obvious we were the last ones there. Everyone was sitting in a circle in the centre of the vast floor. Some were chatting quietly but most were silent and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. There were two spare seats in the circle and Dean took one immediately, swinging back on his chair and spreading his legs out in front of him.

I walked over keeping my eyes on the last empty chair, and sat down feeling like everyone was watching me. Honestly they probably were but I didn't look up to check.

"Welcome!" A young man sitting at the head of the circle said eventually, his voice cheerful and optimistic. He had dark curly hair and stubble. He barely looked too much older than many of us. "I'm Mr Shurley, but you can just call me Chuck."

I noticed Dean roll his eyes and felt a little sorry for Chuck. It looked like he'd be eaten alive by these kids. "So I'm assuming you guys don't know each other so to start I just want you to go round the circle and introduce yourself. Just say your name, and why you're here. I understand if you don't want to share, but it would be good, this is a safe place here and nothing said in this room will leave this room." Chuck said with a reassuring smile that didn't reassure me at all. What do I tell them? That I was gay? That I hated myself? That I didn't want to be there?

Chuck nodded to the boy sitting next to him, "Crowley why don't you start?"

'Crowley' sighed standing up. He wasn't very tall, had dark hair and was wearing a big black coat. "Hello, I'm Crowley, um I was forced to be here." He hissed sarcastically and I was surprised to hear he had a British accent. I'd seen him around school lots but had never hear him talk. Everyone knew he was a stoner, I guess that was why he was there.

He sat back down and another girl to his right stood up. "Hi I'm Anna Milton. I'm um I'm here because I've been suffering with anorexia for almost a year." Not once did she falter or brake eye contact. She was so confident about it and didn't seem the slightest bit ashamed. I admired that. I admired her. She was so brave, and I immediately wished she'd be able to get better some day. Se was a pretty girl with long red hair and if I didn't know better I'd have thought she was one of Hannah's friends.