My Journey

Chapter 13 - A Change

5/14/17

I didn't write an entry for a while, but did anyone seem to notice? Nope. No one did.

And that is okay. I got only 31 reads and I bet all those 31 readers was me. And that is okay... I like reading about myself.

You see, my goal on writing this was try write a lesson, I was hoping to make a change... make a new friend on here or something... or list random crazy experiences about myself. I don't know. Maybe entertain someone, make someone smile?

But my grammar sucks

I hate proof reading and when I do reread over this and find my mistakes, I am too lazy to fix them.

But hey, that's me.

I wanted to change. I am literally going to expose myself right now.

I am not normal however many people like to say I am. But what exactly is normal? Normal isn't normal... well normally it isn't. Ha... that was confusing.

Anyways... I am bipolar! Great to say isn't? I am genetically messed up in the head and I cannot control my emotions no matter how much I try. Many people like to joke around and say that they are bipolar but it isn't funny. They brag about it and use it as pitying... however when I talk to someone about it... I get called a drama queen.

There is a difference between being bipolar and faking it.

There is a difference between needing help or wanting attention.

I am suffering from bulimia right now. If you have no idea on what it is... google it.

Because I am so desperately am wanting a change. I haven't been on here these past months because I thought I was getting recovery... recovery and finally being normal. But now I am back to square one... not normal. My bipolar self is fighting with me. And she is winning.

I lost everything because I cannot control myself.

I want a change that I cannot have.

I am born this way...

And if you are suffering this way you are not alone.

And it sucks I know it... and right now I am literally crying while typing this and killing myself without trying. 

I was born this way and I am looking for a change that I am unable to have.

That's me.