Positive Vibes :)

hello (+ a personal story)

hello all, hope you all are having a wonderful day!

A bit of self promo: add me on instagram at @charlie_smiles07

I will follow back! 

aNYWAYS. 

I haven't mentioned any personal stories in a while so I will do so now. 

My dad got falsely arrested the other day while we were taking a day trip in Mexico. 

Now, I know it is wrong to hate but I've never really "loved" my dad. When I was younger, he was extremely verbally abusive and he would hit me sometimes. It came to the point where I wanted to run away, never wanted to go home, and I began having serious psychotic issues. 

aNYWAYS. 

I guess I still can't really forgive my dad for what he did, even though he has changed drastically over the years. So I never really thought about whether or not I loved him. 

Because to be honest, I would always internally joke around that I hated him. Even though I know I don't. 

So when he got arrested, and I saw the police pull the gun on him, my heart STOPPED. 

It was quite a traumatic experience and I'm glad he is now trying to get justice for what happened, but he has bruise marks all over his body because they beat him (The police in Mexico are extremely corrupt and we happened to be in an area where the police are worse and have their own set of rules). 

While we were at the police station, all I could think about was how much I had cared when they pulled the gun. 

Did I care for him as a human and didn't want him to die like this? Or was it because I really cared about my dad despite what he did to me?

I eventually came to the conclusion that, yes, I do somewhat *love* him and I care for him, even though I still don't quite forgive him for the past. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is forgiveness isn't always possible. It's okay to be hurt or mad at someone for what they did. But what is not okay... is letting it interfere with your life and let it hurt you so much to the point where you can't stop thinking about it or blaming it for your problems. 

That's the mistake I made. I blamed him for everything wrong in my life, and it made me miserable. 

Now I know, even though I still don't quite forgive him, I'm not going to let my past affect who I am now. I'm going to continue working hard and be positive and make myself proud. 

And things are different, because I care for him (which I realize now). 

It's just complicated lol. 

But. 

I know what to do ;)

P.S. If you're wondering why he got falsely arrested, here's what happened:

He kept going on a stop that was hidden by a fence. So the police stopped him, and told him he passed the stop. And my dad simply explained it was hidden and he didn't see it. Then he noticed the policemen didn't have their uniforms on and so he began taking a video. In the video, you see many other cars passing the stop without stopping, and the policemen doing nothing about it. You also see that there's no identification on either of the cops. 

So he asks them for their names/identification. They get mad that he's taking a video and attack him then put him into a chokehold. My dad made very clear that he accepts responsibility for passing the stop but he wanted to make sure they were real cops. At the station, they continued to beat him up for no reason, and invented a report against him. 

He's been in Mexico trying to clear his name and get justice because as it turns out, three other cases have appeared where they tried to sue the SAME police officers for beatings and abusive authority. But none had evidence to prove it. Now, because of the video my dad took, we do! 

So that's that.