All The Queen's Horses {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

I Can't Do This

We entered the new room. It was smaller than the suite I had shared with Myrnin, but had two beds. I sat stiffly on the closest bed. I had no idea what to do now and dreaded the thought of being alone. I looked up at Abby and whispered, "Will you stay with me... For just a little bit?"

She smiled kindly. "Yes... I am actually staying in the room with you, while you are here. He thought you might need that."

Fresh tears cascaded passed the crescent border of my eyelashes and made their way down my cheeks. Even after all I had done to hurt him, he took care of me.

Abby quickly sat next to me and gathered me into her arms. "Shhh... It will be okay. Not now... But it will be okay. Do you want to talk?"

I nodded. She was a good listener and even made me smile a few times. Another flood of tears hit when the staff brought all of my things and put them away. It was too painful to watch, so I took a shower instead.

I made my way out of the bathroom and sat back down on the bed, absentmindedly pulling a brush through my hair to remove the tangles. A knock at the door caused me to jump. Myrnin?

"I'll get it," Abby said quickly and open the door to reveal Gwion.

His eyes quickly found me in the room. He murmured, "Can we talk?"

Abby cast a quick look of worry toward me.

I nodded my consent. I knew eventually he and I would need to talk about what happened. I might as well get it all done tonight.

Gwion stepped into the room and looked at Abigail.

"Oh, right... Let me just give you some privacy. Call me when you're done?" She looked at me questioningly.

"I will," I agreed as she walked out the door.

I stood and purposefully went to sit in one of the two chairs in the room. I had already given him too many mixed signals. I didn't want us to be sharing a bed while we talked.

He joined me in the other chair and opened the conversation quietly, "What happened?"

"I'm not sleeping with you," I told him. I didn't want him to mistake our talk for anything more than just a conversation.

He smiled and said easily, "I know."

I looked at him carefully. He wasn't blocking his emotions, even though all of mine were carefully hidden away. I found no insincerity in his response. I relaxed and murmured, "I need time. Too much has changed too quickly."

"The change to a vampire can be difficult," he affirmed hesitantly. He knew there was more.

I continued to explain. "No, it's not just that. My relationship with Myrnin is still new. You somewhat accelerated things." I added wryly.

"Me?" His eyebrow quirked.

"Clāmāre... The day before our Challenge... Was our first time," I explained.

His eyes widened in surprise. He breathed, "Damn... That was certainly a bold way to begin. Especially with him. Does nothing scare you?"

I laughed shortly without humor, "That was the least scary moment with him...I can't tell you how many times he's tried to kill me."

He nodded in understanding. "I wondered about that. Very few humans survive him. Most don't last more than a few months. Needless to say, I was surprised when he brought you to me," Gwion commented.

"The beast inside of him responds to me," I explained simply.

His eyes widened. He leaned forward with the most intensity I had ever seen from him and murmured, "Fascinating...How do you do it?"