holding on to you | j.w.d

29

I didn't find her. I walked home and when I got in I cried. "lauren!" josh ran to me and hugged me. I cried into his arms. "I didn't find her" "it's okay. she will be found" he whispered kindly.
"this is all my fault" I wailed.
"I'm sure she'll get over it" he says.
"even you know she won't!" I reply.
josh didn't say anything. he wanted to make me feel better. then we heard a bang from mariyahs room.

we opened the door and tyler was sitting in there quietly. there was a smashed box on the floor. there was a pile of glass on the floor and some other things. "tyler?" josh says. tylers eyes were closed. "where is she?" he whispered to himself. "dude..." josh helped his friend up and took him to his bedroom. I went to get myself a glass of water but then I just threw the glass down and screamed.

how can I forgive myself? my best friend. could be dead. because of me. why did I say those things? why ? I didn't make her life easier by doing that. I fell on my knees crying. the glass got stuck in my knee but I wasn't crying because of that. I caused a problem.

"lauren" josh knelt beside me and let me cry on him again. "sit on the counter while I clean this up" he says. I nodded and did as he told me to. tyler came downstairs quietly. "I'm sorry tyler" I whispered. "i forgive you" he replied. I expected him to hate me. he's good.

the next morning I woke up to josh's voice. I put my glasses on and slid out of bed. I tucked my feet into my fluffy slippers and stumbled downstairs. when I got there he wasn't on the phone. "who was that?" I ask him.
"just a prank caller" he said quickly, opened a pack of strawberries. he tossed one in my mouth and it landed in there perfectly.

josh went out a while later. tyler and me weren't talking properly so I was all alone. now I know how mariyah feels.

come home. please.

josh pov
I waited and then finally the passenger door opened. I looked to my right and she took her hood off. she's safe. "thanks for meeting me. I didn't know who else to ask" she said quietly.
"don't worry about it. are you okay?" I ask her, handing her a bottle of water.
"honestly... I'm not" she says quietly.
"I know it was hard for you to hear all that. laurens guilty...badly" I say.
"define 'badly'" she says.

"crying a lot, she smashed a glass the other day, walked out of the house to try and find you..." I trail off.
"I saw her. I walked straight past her. she didn't even see me" she says.
"are you going to forgive her?" I ask.
"I'm going to ignore her for a while and then forgive her. she was a bitch to be honest" she says, sipping the water.

"as long as you come home. tyler hangs out in your room a lot" I tell her.
"he's sweet" she smiled. then it dropped. "shall i take us home?" I ask.
"I guess" she replied. I smiled and gave her a hug. "don't worry. everything's gonna be okay" I say, rubbing her back.
"I hope" she says as we drive off.

"where did you go?"
"a hotel. i gave myself some time to just...cry"
"good for you"