Yes, Master

Ch 20: New side of me

My body still felt faint with just the thought of what his simple touch could do. And his hand over my leg wasn't helping. I was used to it. He always did that, almost as if he was making sure I was staying in place. But at that point, I was angry. I was angry with him.. With how he knew how to control my body in ways I couldn't, how he teased me, touched me, kissed me, and then moved away.. Stopped just like that. In that moment when my blood was boiling with temptation for more, my skin burning with desire and my hands itching to touch more of him. And he couldn't even imagine how much it bothered me that I couldn't play as smooth as him.

I told myself, I was learning.. But no, I already knew. I knew how to play that exact game, I just had to do it the harder way. And see, I knew I was playing with fire. But, I wanted that fire to burn me. I wanted everything or nothing at all.. Because that's the only way I could win and earn his trust. Acting.. That wasn't the problem. I could control my fake emotions. And I did. I acted like I was vulnerable around him, even though his actions actually made me weak, his touch actually sent chills, and his lips tempted me to want more. The problem was, I wasn't sure if I could control my real emotions.

That anger.. I knew I was showing it. And I'm not sure if it was really a bad thing. I wanted him to know that I didn't need just a tease. I wanted it all, and even though at some point I knew I would fear what was really going on inside me, I was ready to risk it. I was used to people coming and going from my life. I knew how to escape feelings, and even though feelings other than anger and frustration might never appear around Petrovic, I was ready. I was ready for anything, because that was the thing. He was unpredictable.

Now, I glanced down at his hand, just watching how for a second his thumb caressed my skin, and he repeated that action over and over again.. I don't think he realized it as much as I did.. I wanted to tell him to stop, I wanted to move away because he had no idea that after that vulnerability I showed back in the house, now I felt nothing but anger. And thank God the car came to stop, because I swear I would've said stuff that would probably have consequences later, and I just managed to earn his trust at least a bit. I wanted it to stay that way because it would be easier for me to have at least some control of this fucked up situation I was in.

The door from his side got opened by the driver, and that was the moment when I started wondering where the hell we were because I was too busy handling my own thoughts throughout the way.. He tapped my leg, before letting go and turning to walk outside. "Come on, princess." And there it was again. Those sweet words that made a girl melt, but little did he know, it only got me annoyed with the fact that he was using them for nothing but insurance to make me give in, talk and open up to him. He wanted me to trust him but for all the wrong reasons. And see, that's the thing. We wanted the same trust from each other, but again, for all the wrong reasons.

As always, he didn't let the driver take my hand. Instead, he did that, just reaching for me to take it and as always waiting patiently, which was somewhat not the complete opposite of his nature. He did have patience and tolerance, but he had them to make his own sick world function in a way a human could not understand. It was easier to explain it with saying that time here was stuck. Like I was forced to live in his won little Harem, being disciplined and trained to fulfill the needs of a vampire, giving myself in completely.

Did they expect me to actually agree on living this lifestyle where I was a blood bag, a sex doll and a maid in full sanity just for someone else's fun, and for no reason whatsoever? No. If I did any of those stuff I was going to do them because I fucking want to, not because I was ordered that way.. And even if I did agree on functioning that way at least partly, I was doing it because it was my price for freedom. And I was not some dumb bitch to get myself killed with my attitude. I could control myself. I wanted my old life back, and a few games on the way were only going to help me get it back.