All The Queen's Horses {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

I Am...Willing...If You Want

Myrnin sat straight up and leaned forward. "Come here," he murmured. I walked over and sat next to him on the couch, still letting my mind turn over this idea.

"Do you want that?" he asked me intensely. "I am...willing...if that is what you want." I felt a little lost as I looked into his dark liquid eyes, unsure. I knew what he was offering and couldn't miss the eagerness in his expression.

"It is not a curse," he promised me gently. "You would have the time to learn and experience all of the things I know your heart is passionate about." I wanted the excitement I found in his eyes. I craved to experience the joy of learning he had lived over the years.

He took my small hands in his and whispered, "Cariad, you know that I would...take care...of you, don't you?"

I looked down at our joined hands. I knew many 'good' vampires. People just like me and exactly like him. I knew he was strong enough to control me, to keep me from doing anything I would regret, while I adjusted. And then I would have - what? Time to learn and explore so much more than I could ever do in one lifetime. Michael had adjusted just fine. And Eve obviously would support me. "Shane," I whispered as I snapped out of the fantasy. I couldn't do that to Shane. It would kill him.

Myrnin saw my change of heart and heard my reason for it. "Don't let him take this from you." His eyes were no longer soft.

"I...can't. I need to go." I couldn't think straight.

Myrnin dropped my hands and stood so quickly, I had to catch my balance. "Yes," he acknowledged me curtly, returning his full attention to his work on the lab table.

I hated leaving him when he was edgy like this, but I was already very late and Shane was probably going crazy with worry. I walked over to the portal and promised Myrnin, "I'll be back soon."

"Yes. Whatever," he replied indifferently.

I sighed as I walked through the portal, and immediately sucked in a deep breath upon entering the living room of the Glass house. Shane was seated in a chair, clearly waiting on me, his expression hard.

"Shane," I whispered.

"Explain," he demanded.

I spoke quickly before realizing it was the wrong thing to say, "I fell asleep."

His eyes narrowed dangerously.

I rushed to recover, "No, nothing like that. He was working and I meant to only close my eyes for a few minutes and didn't wake up until four hours later."

His expression softened minutely.

I felt like I needed to fill the empty space between us and continued softly, my heart twisting at the words, "Amelie and the rest...are getting worse."

"Amelie," he spoke the word between his teeth. "Claire, after ALL she has put you - and me - through, why are killing yourself to be loyal to her?" he demanded, his words an accusation.

Anger coursed through me that he would question my motives. "I know you don't get it. And that's okay. But this is who I am, Shane. If it is within my power to help someone - no matter who they are - I am not going to turn my back on them."

Shane spoke snidely under his breath, "I bet Myrnin just loves this."

I spat back, sarcastic fury seething through me, "If by 'loves', you mean not sleeping for two weeks, while he works to find a cure so that one of his oldest friends doesn't die, then yes, he absolutely loves this."

Shane was immediately contrite and walked across the room to me. "I'm sorry. It's just that...I miss you so much."

I reached up to stroke his cheek with my fingertips. "I know, I miss you too," I said softly.

He leaned down to kiss me. I smiled and sighed. It had been too long since we had had time to be close. Shane must have been thinking the same thing, because he quickly deepened the kiss and pulled me back over to the couch.

Twenty minutes later, we were both breathing heavily. Shane's previously sour mood was replaced with a content smile as he held me naked in his arms. I knew he wasn't going to be thrilled by what I had to say next, but it couldn't be helped. I had already been away from Myrnin longer than I wanted. I sighed, "I have to get back."

Shane's tensed, but didn't say anything as I got dressed and opened the portal again. I threw him a quick appreciative glance for not arguing with me. He smiled tightly in response.

When I returned to the lab, it was dark. I cringed. That wasn't usually a good sign. Myrnin didn't need the lights, but normally left them on for me.

"Myrnin," I spoke softly.

"Claire," he responded. His voice was short and clipped.

As my eyes adjusted, I could see his outline on the couch. Something was off. I told myself not to over-think it. We had been through so much stress over the last few weeks. He sounded in control. I made my way over to a small lamp next to the couch and flipped it on. The dim light flickered over his features. I sat next to him and asked tentatively, trying to break the palpable tension."What are you working on?"

"It's late," he replied flatly, "you need to go back home."

"Myrnin, you sound upset. Did something happen?" I stared at him, suddenly afraid of the answer. "Did one of the vampires..." I whispered, but couldn't finish the question.

"No, but why would that matter to you? You've obviously been enjoying yourself," he replied snidely. "Why don't you just return home to your boyfriend's bed?"

What the hell? How did he know that?! He read the confusion in my expression and narrowed his eyes pointedly, as if I were missing the obvious. Oh! Then I realized I was missing the obvious - he could smell Shane on me. I blushed deeply red. He growled low.

I blinked. Where was this coming from? He almost sounded jealous...in a way that was more than territorial. My heartbeat sped up, but not from fear. I was shocked to realize I wanted him to feel more. Shit, I knew I was being ridiculous, and tried to get a grip on my desire. I just slept with Shane. I should not be wanting more from Myrnin, I told myself harshly.

But the idea was in my mind now and I couldn't seem to be sensible enough to let it go. Shane had suspected Myrnin felt something more for me, but I had always attributed his possessive behavior to his natural vampiric tendencies of territory and protection. As I stared at him now, I wondered if there was more...but, what? He had been my best friend for so long now and I had always assumed that I would never mean anything more to him. Maybe that was the reason I never let myself consider another possibility.

I had to know.

I asked softly, "Myrnin, is there more going on here?"

"More what?" he answered evasively.

"More...that you are...feeling," I felt stupid and egotistical just asking and suddenly wished I had never brought it up. He was probably going to laugh at the absurdity of that thought. I cringed in embarrassment.

But he didn't laugh.

He just stared at me, his dark liquid eyes intense, his expression uncertain.