Sebastian Stan Imagines

✨ Sebastian Stan- I actually hate that I love you ✨

Romania

Love. A different emotion. A natural instinct we have when we connect with someone, whether it be friends, family or partners. We feel it most when people do kind things for us, or show they care, or tell us how they feel. It's not hard to fall in love with people, but it's even harder to fall out of love with that person when they do it so easy. We, as humans, find love as a romantic thing. A couple hold hands: everyone swoons. A couple has a tradition: everyone melts. A couple get married: everybody cries out of happiness. A couple break up: everyone says each person can do better. But what people don't realise is how heartbreaking it is to love someone who doesn't love you back. It's a hard emotion to describe. It's like a feeling you can't explain. It's an itch on your back you can't get because you can't reach it. It's fucking annoying and soul-destroying.

But we love that person unconditionally anyway.

We forget how the world functions sometimes because we're so busy swooning over someone making breakfast for us, or hugging us when we're sad. We forget there's other people out there that love us; a person loving another person. It's weird. Like everything humans do - you break down everything humans do and it's fucking weird: sex. You're putting your body in someone else's body. Eating. You're shoving edible items down your body to survive. Love. You have an emotion connected to someone else and they can control you easily. It's weird. Humans. Love. Weird. But obviously it's not that weird, right? I mean, we all do it at some point, whether it's now or in 15 years. It's an emotion we'll always feel until we die and our souls and emotions are destroyed.

But sometimes you fall out of love before the other person does. You don't want to, but they basically pushed you away. Not showing affection to the person you love is a bad move. They think the worse: "omg, they hate me" or "they don't love me anymore" or "was it something I did?" or "was it something they did and I never realised?" People think the worse and its heart-wrenching. You think they don't love you, you put all the signs together, confront them, and boom, you hop on the single-train heading to single-town. And that's it. You don't have to worry about them anymore. They mean minimal to you and their petty lives mean fuck all.

Then that person moves on and you may as well have bought the water works card on monopoly because you're using 10 tissues every minute.

You forget how to feel after a while. You're confused by this other persons emotions and you feel it's better to leave them than work them out which may, or may not, make things worse. Your feelings go numb and you're confused at yourself. And it happens to everyone. Even you.

One quiet Thursday afternoon; just imagine it - there's a slight chill in the air, daffodils sprout along garden beds, trees are starting to blossom, the sky fills with light blue and the white clouds are filtered out. The sun beats down on the grass but no heat is transferred into the house. The French doors of your living room were wide open, these let the breeze flow through your house nicely without heating you like you're in an oven. Your body rests on a four seater sofa, your legs are bent, feet slightly under your bum. Some light blue shorts begin to very slowly rise up your thighs and a white blouse sends chills down your back whenever the breeze was strong. There wasn't much to do that Thursday; you're washing was dry and ironed, the house was clean, no one was expected for a visit and you had no plans. A rest day, if you will. A break from filming was all you needed, and a break from filming was what you got. Obviously only for a week, but that was better than having an hour or so off.

You glanced down at your phone as you hear a message notification popping up: 'Hi sweetie, only me. Was wondering when you're available for a visit, either here or yours. Reply ASAP please, Mum xxx ❤️' you smiled as you replied 'Hiya mum, I'm sure I'm free tomorrow. Couple days off from filming left, could use a day outside the house, I'll travel down to you. I'll find a time and confirm, (Y/N) xox ❤️'. You placed your thumb on your home button to send the message and the notification disappeared. This gave you an opportunity to look at your lock screen. You and Seb. You loved him. But you were pretty sure he didn't feel the same. The two of you had had a strong relationship for the past year and a half, but all good things must come to an end. You realised then that it wasn't love. You hated yourself for putting so much time and energy into his and your relationship, and you hated yourself for loving him so much when he doesn't feel the same.

He had ignored you for the past month; barely any messages, few snapchats and no FaceTime when he went away for a weekend. You felt lonely and often tried to keep yourself occupied while you waited for him every single time. Also, all he seemed to want lately was sex. He tried every time he saw you; whatever way it was, he never succeed and ended up in a mood. You were sick of his bullshit and decided you only had one option: let him go. He had already pissed you off that afternoon and he had apologised. By text.

You lifted your phone up to your ear and breathed heavily but shaky. It would be one of the hardest things you've ever done. As the phone rung, memories of you and Sebastian rushed through your mind as you listened to the haunting sounds of your ringer. He picked up after you snapped out of your flashbacks and answered with a simple,

"Hey, what's up?" You silently sighed as you heard his voice. The one you feel in love with.

"Hey Seb. I'm good, you?" Your head was resting on your palm which was being supported by your elbow which was being supported by your knee.

"Nothing much, what's up? You seem, I don't know...stressed?"

'Stressed?' You thought, 'stressed?'

"No, no, I'm fine. Just, erm one thing..."

"Sure, go ahead. I'm all ears" you could feel him smiling through the phone.

"Okay, erm, well. We haven't had a proper conversation in a month. The moods you've put me in lately have been indescribable but you haven't realised and probably don't care"

"(Y/N)..." he begun.

"No. At the moment, I actually hate myself for loving you so much. You frustrate me a lot but I haven't said anything because I knew you'd ignore me and I was scared of how you'd react and what you'd say. I don't really know what to do or how to feel about you anymore. I'm sick of trying to get your attention" you could breathe now.

"(Y/N). I'm so sorry that Ive made you feel that way. I didn't...I didn't know"

"I know you didn't, Seb, because you never asked. Also, I'm sorry, but apology not accepted."

"Omg, (Y/N), I...I can't believe this. You're not serious, right?"

"Deadly"

"So, what are you saying?"

"I'm not sure really" 'stop lying to yourself, and him'

"Because I really don't want to lose the person I love" your heart sunk. But he had hurt you, and making up shit wasn't going to change what you thought.

"But I don't feel like you love me. And you don't have to prove it because there's no point now. You've pushed me away, and I'm too far gone" you almost heard his heart shattering. He hurt you, and if this was hurting him, well: karma's a bitch.

"So, what are you saying?"

"Seb, if you keep asking questions like this then we won't get anywhere. We should just agree on something and end it"

"So, we're over?" There was a long pause before you replied with an,

"I guess"

"Okay," he breathed uneasily down the phone, "it was, erm, nice knowing you, (Y/N)"

"Yeh, you too Sebastian" you whispered in a reply before ending the call.

You broke down. You thought you'd be okay, but, clearly not. Those memories you shared, those laughs you had, those kisses passed between the two of you. Worthless. He was gone. The emotion you felt strongly with Sebastian had somewhat vanished, but you knew it was still there. Your heart ached at your most recent move, but you weren't going to let him continue hurting you. He couldn't get to you anymore.

But breaking up is not the most painful part about losing someone. What's going to kill you, is the flashbacks that follow.

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but depressing for a wednesday night, but we're going with it.

just remember, these emotions can't be taught, you have to feel this pain to understand it.

stay lit guys 💜