Chemo Therapy during 3rd Period

April 18

Its been really hard adjusting to life again. My body is definitely starting to get tired, and mornings are really rough. Yesterday I had to go to school to drop off some homework. I was walking back out to my car and there is Michael sitting in his truck with a girl. He is looking at her, and she plays with her hair in a flirtatious way. I just keep walking. I walk all the way out to my car and I just sit there. I know nothing happened but I am really not in the mood for a fight with him. I do not really even care anymore. I am so tired and I just do not know anymore what to think. I got home yesterday and was sitting in my room and Kathy came in. She sat with me. She looked a the picture of me with my parents in Disneyland from when I was 6. She laughed and let out a tear. It is really starting to take a toll on both of us not having my parents here. I mean yeah they are not perfect people, nor do they handle situations the best. But at the end of the day they love me. I heard a knock at the door and wandered downstairs with Kathy. We opened the door and there stood my mom, and my dad. I broke down in complete tears. Like what the hell is going on here. My parents walked in and they hugged me. My dad and I shared this moment that just sorta reset everything for me. They had a lot to say, so we all sat down in the living room. They apologized to both of us for leaving, and for giving up their rights to me. They then looked at each other and said, "Spencer you are 18. Its time we tell you... you are adopted."

"what???"

"Spencer, we were unable to have kids and when a good family friend told us about this little girl who needed a family, your mom fell head over heels for you. I on the other hand did not want to meet you in fear that I too would fall in love with you and something would happen, and we would not be able to adopt you. But your mom she made an amazing sacrifice, she let us have you. She said that there was something about us, that had her convinced that she should give you to us. As life proceeded we raised you, and you have actually met your birth mom multiple times. She came to all your birthdays and every major life moment. When you were diagnosed, it became very hard for us to be around you. Because we knew we could not act as bone marrow donors for you. When we told your birth mom about it, she became so worried about you. She asked if she could spend one-on-one time with you. We were unsure. But after that marriage retreat, we learned how disconnected we had become over the years. Plus you and your birth mom were building a relationship. We could not stop that."

"Wait does this mean...."

Kathy finally spoke "Yes, Spencer I am your birth mom."

I could not believe those words. My who life my parents lied to me. They had me convinced I was theirs.

Today is the first full day I actually know who my birth mother is. Last night we all stayed up late and they told me the story of how they all met again. But this time with every last detail. A detail that kept getting left out was who was my father? I mean my biological father. Kathy explained to me that she knew who the father was, but he told her to get an abortion. They were young he wanted to travel the world not raise a kid. Kathy says that I have met him too. It was her ex-husband. WoW. Kathy says he knows about me and basically said that he wants nothing to do with me, and that he is not really sorry about that. So this morning when I got up, I drove myself to a near by park and sat down on a park bench and just stared at this little pond that was there. I felt someone come up and sit by me. It was Carson. He explained how it was fancy seeing me here and I laughed, he knows where my house is. He talked about how he was just running ya know, gotta stay in shape. But then I just looked and him and word vomited about everything that had just happened. He sat there and listened.  Ducks landed in the pond, flowers fell in the pond. There was a slight breeze, and it smelt amazing. Anytime after it rains, I love the smell of the outdoors. Then we just sat there and did nothing but stare at the pond. "Spencer, I need to know. Where do we stand?"

"Carson, I can not answer that right now, because I don't know where we stand or where I stand"

"But I can tell you this Carson, I think I am still in love with you."