Greenland

04 | Bye Avi

Iluuna's Point of View

His voice broke, making the guilt build up uncontrollably. Why was I such a horrible person? I could have said something. Done something. Done anything to save him. But didn't. I knew I couldn't. It seemed so simple. One life or all of my loved ones. The math made sense. But it hurt so much. Why did he leave him? Was I not good enough? Did he understand how much pain he would have been causing if he left? He threatened me and everyone else. Wasn't that enough reason to let him go? No. It wasn't. I love him. But I couldn't give him the happiness he wanted and that was beyond me. Beyond anything. He wanted freedom. I only gave him my everything.

"What do you mean he's gone?" my older brother demanded. All smiles and laughter were gone.

I remained silent. Batse shifted uncomfortably next to me.

"Can someone tell me what that means?" Jaq pressed. His eyes were hardened and angry. It made me think of Avi when he told me not to tell anyone he was going to do it. God, why was I such an idiot?

My cries grew louder.

Jaq's voice softened. "Please. What's going on? Where is Avi?"

Oliver wiped his eyes and stood up, holding Qivi's hand. "Jaq." he said softly, "Avi's gone. He's dead."

"I want to go home." Qivi whispered in between her sobs, so it came out choppy. Oliver nodded and pulled her to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug and then they broke apart to put on their coats and gloves.

"We'll see you guys later." Oliver announced. I watched as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and trekked into the harsh air elements outside. My heart dropped. Avi couldn't do that to me anymore.

Jaq fell back onto the couch next to Alef with a thud. "How?"

Neru gulped deeply, "Suicide."

"Neru," Audur started, her voice soft but pleading.

"I-I need a moment." he interrupted, abruptly standing. Avi was his best friend. Audur followed him into his bedroom and shut the door quietly.

"When - when did this happen?" he stammered, dropping his head in his hands.

"Earlier today." Alef replied.

"I'm sorry." Batse apologized through sniffles.

I shook my head. "No, I am."

I just sat there with overwhelming emotions of despair and misery. Drowning in tears of sorrow, I weeped until I ran out of tears. Jaq came over to console me with his presence and whispered incoherent words. Neru later appeared crestfallen, with Audur following in his footsteps. She quickly checked her phone and hugged us all individually before pulling Neru back into the room for a brief moment. When she reappeared, Neru was not completely dejected. He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. I did not miss the way she blushed and embarrassedly looked at the floor as she left the house. Batse had swollen eyes and leaned over Kelyn to whisper something in his ear. He nodded and they both stood up, saying their goodbyes with melancholy hearts. He took her hand and securely held it. She leaned onto him and exited as a strong couple.

Where was Avi to comfort me? If he loved me, why couldn't he have stayed?

Alef remained for a moment longer. He did not say much. But neither did I. I could not blame him. He was still in shock. I sat there for a long time. I lost track of time. Jaq's phone suddenly vibrated but he didn't pick it up immediately. It took a while for him to reach into his pocket and glance at the caller ID. It was Mal so he picked it up. He still had her but I didn't have Avi. He left me because I was not exceptional. I was not what he wanted. He wanted something I could not give him.

After his phone call, Jaq turned to me. He fidgeted with the phone in his hand. "Um..Luna, are you alright?" I nodded. "I'm going to Mal's place for a bit, but I can walk you home if you want me to. I don't need to go to her house but she's-"

"I'm fine." I said, mustering up as much strength as I could. "Go. I'll be fine."

"Luna, I don't need to-"

"Be there for her." I argued, cutting him off.

He searched my features skeptically. "You don't took too well, I'll just tell her I can't. I don't want you to walk home alone."

"I can walk her." Alef offered a little hesitantly. "Only if you want me to, Luna."

Jaq eyed us and shook his head. "It's fine, Al. I can take her."

"No." I said, forcefully. "Be with Mal. She's your girlfriend and she needs you to comfort her. You are her boyfriend and you are supposed to be there for her. Because one day you'll leave her and she'll be wondering what she did wrong. Don't waste the time you have with her."

Jaq observed the way I was pleading for him to be the good boyfriend he was supposed to be and gave in when I began to be emotional. "Fine. You can take her, Al. But go straight home." He pulled me into a hug and sauntered out of the front door once he dressed into his coat.

Al passed me my coat and gloves, which I reluctantly put on for the sake of my health. "You don't actually need to walk me home." I admitted. "I'm a big girl."

He rolled his hazel eyes and grabbed his out outdoor attire, slipping his arm into the sleeves. "I know you are but your brother will kill me if he knew I let you walk home alone. Besides, your house is on the way to mine. I don't mind."

"And I am a witness." Neru added. "Just walk home with Al."

I sighed in defeat and said my goodbye to Neru, following behind Alef as he walked out the front door. My teeth chattered the moment I stepped outside and I crossed my arms to preserve some warmth. We walked in silence for a few minutes but I shivered uncontrollably. Alef glanced over his shoulder, probably because he heard me and waited until I caught up. His eyes widened in concern when I reached him and he surveyed my appearance.

"Aw, shit." he muttered. "You look sick. Probably because you were sitting in the snow forever."

I blushed embarrassedly, despite the cold and clasped my hands together. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't apologize to me. You're going to have a lot of explaining to do with your family." he said, reaching his arm out. He outstretched his arm so he extended it over my shoulders and pulled me closer to his side. Butterflies escaped into my stomach for some unknown reason and I found myself inhaling his faint scent. He smelt good.

"Is this better?" he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I nodded.

It felt perfect.