Butterflies in Winter

::Chapter 16:: Honesty

Kit watched in silence as the place he had known as home for the last five years, disappeared over the horizon.

The cold wind rustled through him, shaking him to the core. He contemplated returning below deck to search for some warmth, but his feet felt rooted to the deck bellow his feet.

After a while of staying bellow deck, hiding himself in the shadows. Avoiding everyone, even those he cared about. Kit didn't want to see anyone, for fear of what they would say. He didn't want to admit anything, not now.

Beneath him the ship rolled and knocked with the waves, every so often he had to shift from one foot to the other to regain his balance, but otherwise he didn't notice. His eyes too busy concentrating on the place where home had once been.

Footsteps, he may not have been in wolf form but his sharpened senses remained. He could hear the gentle thump even over the crashing sound of the waves around them.

He could feel the breath trapped in his chest, he forced his gaze away.

"I'm sorry."

The words weren't the ones that he had been expecting, it took him aback a little but he didn't say anything immediately. He pondered her simple statement for a moment, he didn't know what to say for a while.

Glancing back at Romany, he tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace then anything. "It's not as though I've had the best memories there anyway," it sounded more as though he was trying to convince himself then the woman before her.

A soft snort sounded from behind him, as Max spoke up gently. "That may just be the understatement of the century." He grunted from where he was leaning against the railings of the deck.

Chuckling softly, though it was a half hearted sound. Romany shrugged her shoulders and said in a low voice. "Say that as much as you like, but that place was home for five years. Pretend as much as you like, but you cant pretend that you don't feel anything now that you have to leave." She said quietly.

A slight smile now honestly slipped onto his lips, at the almost naivety of Romany. He didn't blame her exactly, she had been on the island for an entirety of ten minutes. Whereas Kit and Max could very barely remember a time away from it.

Now it was Kit's turn to shrug, "We don't care about leaving, it's what we're coming to which worries us." He explained calmly, more honestly then he had realised for it to sound. Kit didn't look either of them in the eye, turning his eyes to the cloudy sky above their heads. He couldn't look at either of them, for fear they would see the fear in his eyes.

"For the last five years, we have lived in isolation," Max continued when Kit found himself unable. "We were animals, sometimes as bad as the monsters we were fighting." The pain was on his sleeve, apparent for anyone to see. He was far less guarded as Kit was trying to be, and part of him admired the youner man for that.

"We didn't think we were ever going to go back, so we did what we had to in order to protect what was left of the outside world." Kit continued in turn, he hated himself for having to say it, but he knew it was the honest truth. He looked up back at them for the first time.

"You did what you had to do in order to survive," Romany seemed to refuse to want to admit that they could have possibly been in the wrong. "You cant blame yourself, they were monsters you were faced with."

Kit couldn't stop the words before they came from his mouth, he looked up at her and made eye contact. Refusing to let her look away.

"Even before the meltdown happened, there was almost no life on the island. We became shifters because the magic locked onto whatever other life was left, the animals nearby. That's how magic works, it needs life. Even the darkest of stuff."

From the look she was giving them, it was apparent that she didn't fully understand the meaning of what had been said.

With a pained sigh, Kit continued. The words hurting him to the core of his body, but he couldn't stop now that he had found the bravery to start. "Exactly where do you think the monsters found other life forms to attach themselves to?"

Romany choked when the words finally came, the shock lighting her eyes as she looked from one to the other. As though she was desperate to find out that this was some sort of cruel joke, that they had misspoken.

Yet the truth was now fully out, and Kit could only pray that she wouldn't think less of them because of this. Kit watched her shock in silence, running his fingers through his hair as he struggled to think of what might be going through his head.

He didn't know why, but he couldn't stand the feeling that this would make her hate them. He watched, heart in the back of his throat. Begging for her to hurry up and say something, he gripped onto the rails behind him to balance himself as a particularly strong wave nearly threw him to his knees. A fitting timing.

In that moment, she only had eyes for Kit. She stared at him, into his soul for a moment before she at last spoke. "The monsters you were fighting, they weren't people any more." She said simply, more kindly than Kit could have even begun to expect.

"That's the easy way out," Max said simply. His eyes to the sky, the pain palpable in the younger man. Yet neither could say anything, as he launched himself into the skies and was gone with the clouds.

"Dramatic as ever," Kit's attempt to add humour fell flat on its face. "He'll be back, he just needs alone time." He explained, watching the skies for a moment trying to catch sight of the eagle in the grey. "He'll be ok," he said before she could ask the question.

She crossed her arms, looking uncertain but she didn't seem to think that she had a place to say anything about it. She watched Kit's back for a moment, and he didn't say anything. He only had eyes for the skies at that moment in time.

Kit could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head, but he didn't turn around to meet the look.

The silence between them stayed like that for a moment, when a cry went up that Kit had been dreading. For it signalled the beginning of something that Kit saw no end in.

"Land ho."