Pause, Replay

One

[Dedicated to english-rain for being an awesome author. Go check out her works!]

When someone close to you dies, it's like you stop breathing.

Literally.

When my mom and dad knocked on my room that day, sat on each end of my bed and gave me a nervous look, I knew something was up so I held my breath until they told me what they seemed to have a hard time getting off their chests.  And when they did, my throat closed up and all I saw were tiny dark spots, dancing before my eyes in an erratic manner.

I passed out.

When I woke up, they were still there, hovering over me with horrified expressions. 

"Are you okay?" Mom asked, the crinkle between her brows deepening with obvious concern as she helped me sit up straight in bed.

"Do you want some water? I can bring  you some water."

I smiled as I said no. That was my Dad. He thought water was the answer to everything, that it "cleansed the soul and body"-his words, definetly not mine.

"Is it true?" I asked my mom because she'd always been straight with me.

"What is?"

"About-" I took a moment to breathe and swallow, so that my voice wouldn't crack, then I repeated, summoning an insane amount of confidence. "Is it true what you said about Sloane?"

Mom's eyes melted into two pools of brown and her lower lip trembled. Then, a single tear ran down her cheek and I had my heartbreaking, earthshattering answer because I'd never seen my mom cry before. She pulled me into a hug and whispered into my hair. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."

I felt another arm wrap around my shoulders and I knew it was my Dad. With Mom on one side and Dad on the other, I knew I should have felt protected, that I could have finally let my emotions break loose.

But I couldn't.

Because, in a way, I suspected Sloane's death to be my fault.