Conscience

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Kinda neglected Ryder's POV so here it is!

Ryder POV

"Ryder. " she answered with innocent eyes aimed at Nate.

I cleared my throat and started away from Nate.

"Actually, I'm Ryder. " I said awkwardly.

She pivoted her head and here cheeks looked flustered.

"I know, but you" her face turning to meet Nate's "looks familiar. Did we go to school together?"

Nate refused to look into her eyes. I couldn't blame him. I mean. I am his brother, but why couldn't I be the lucky one and run off with the girl into the sunset?

"Probably. " I answered. What the fuck? No I can't do this to Nate. "So how you feeling?"

"Fine. Just a little overwhelmed. Everything is hazy. I remember being rushed to the hospital after ice skating with you. " pointing to Nate.

"So what am I to you? Do you remember anything about me?" Nate croaked. My heart actually cracked with his pain his voice gave.

"Of course. Everything about you. You're my best friend, right? And Ryder here, is my boyfriend?" Nate just slightly nodded. But the nod wasn't like he was agreeing, it was more of a nod saying he's accepting that what is happening is reality.

"I gotta go. " He snapped and stormed out of the room.

I approached the bed and sat at the edge. Aryn's makeupless face looked real and unique. By unique, not plastic.

"What have they told you so far?"

"I know it all. I've missed a year of my life, but they believe my memory should be ok. I still have to attend monthly checkups to make sure the cells create another tumor. "

"Do you have a scar?" I asked curiously.

She turned her head slightly and lifted her black silky hair. Under, revealed stitched running across the lining of her skull. I gulped.

"Wow. " was all I could surface. That's intense. She's been through so much.

"So a few days I can leave and we can go back to living a normal life. "

"Yeah. " No we won't. I still felt guilty about the whole Nate situation, but still couldn't bring myself to the truth. I wanted Aryn to be the first time I win.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Nate?" I whispered into what I hoped would be my empty house. I wasn't really ready to face the wrath of angry Nate.

"What. " he spat. Shit he's here.

"What's up. " I played coolily. In my head I was practically shitting my pants.

"What do you think?" Nate walked out with beer and bloodshot eyes.

"You're high and wasted? Come on, Nate. Hand it over. " I extended a hand for his drink but Nate just stared at it like it was an alien.

"Hand it over? I'll do whatever the fuck I want! I'm older. And you are a lousy son of a bitch traitor. "

I've heard it all. I've been cussed out before, but when it comes from your only family, you can't just pretend it didn't hurt.

"Nate, I'm sorry. What do you want me to do? I mean if she remember you, you would just go along with it. Huh. " I felt like a ticking time bomb and Nate was about to see what happens when I finally unbottle what I really had to say.

"You know how much she means to me! Best friend! You couldn't even find it in yourself to say that we both loved her an she ISN'T your girlfriend. She's not anyone's girlfriend. " he started advancing and I gulped. Slowly backing up, my head swirled for an answer. A comeback? Anything.

"You would have done the same thing if this was reversed. "

Nate scoffed. "No I wouldn't. I'm not you. "

"Put yourself in my shoes for once before you start assuming bullshit accusations!"

"You're just pissed at me because I'm right. "

"Please. " I rolled my eyes.

"I know. " He took another swig of his beer and was really close to my face. "You're jealous and scared at she was gonna remember me and choose me over you. Just like Kate. "

Boom. There goes the bomb.

"I hate you. Of course you have to bring that up! You are just so proud that one girl chose you. Well wanna know something? She's fuckin' dead! So let that go I'm talking about what just happened. I finally beat you at something and you can't suck it up for 5 minutes to be happy for me. You don't even seem happy that Aryn that cured from cancer. Forget about that didn't you. Fuck you. " I pushed Nate back and turned to the door. I quickly grabbed my phone and a charger and placed my hand on the doorknob.

"Ryder. Where are you going?"

"Why do you care?" I opened the door and slammed it not looking back. Walking away, I could hear the sound of shattering glass.

Did I do the right thing? I could already feel my conscience eating at me making me regret everything that just happened. Yes. Kate and I did date me before and then Nate waltzed in. But looking back, I realized I really didn't love Kate. I just hope I love Aryn.

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Vote and Comment what you think! Thanks for 700 reads!! I know that's not a lot for some people but for me that's awesome! Tell me who you like better! 800 reads and I will update on Wedsnesday, Thursday, and Saturday!

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-Sophers

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