In This Life

Mi Na's Plan

Song Ji

She recalled when she was young, just a little girl sitting with her Nana outside their library across the riverbank. Her Nana was a frail, old lady with a heart as young and warm as summer. She had wrinkled skin and purely white hair that looked to Song Ji like cotton.

"What happened to mommy, Nana?" Song Ji asked one day, "Why does she never leave the house?"

Her Nana gave a sad smile and licked her papery lips," Your mother... she thought she didn't need anyone. She thought she could take care of herself all alone," Her grandmother paused and looked out on the water as if remembering the past, "Then one day, she found someone. Then she couldn't take care of herself by herself any longer."

"It wasn't that she had wanted him. She needed him to be herself again."

Although she was only seven years old, Song Ji had had many questions, but one fact was clear. Her mother could have been someone else, someone more tender and loving, someone who took their child to the town fair or to the park. But she wasn't, all because of him.

"I hate him," She automatically blurted, her cheeks redden with anger, "I hate him for making her this way. I wish she was the person in the past, Nana. I wished that person could have been my mother."

"Hush, child," Nana chided, "You are lucky to have a mother. Other children have never said or knew the true meaning of the word."

Song Ji nodded again, knowing better than to argue with her grandmother. She still wondered who it was that had reduced her mother to a hollow shell, but she never had the nerves to ask her. But it wasn't all his fault. Song Ji was a terrible daughter. She'd never once urged her mother down those stairs or worried about anything else than her own life. Things could've been different if Song Ji had tried. She could've taken care of both of them.

Out of all the things she hadn't done, not saying goodbye was the worst.

Together, she had said. Together, we would fix everything, but how can you fix something you've already lost?

"My husband demands that you leave tomorrow, Song Ji," Mi Na whispered, not meeting her eyes.

A few days have passed since her mother's funeral, and through the sadness, Song Ji had tried to remain quiet and as invisible as a ghost to continue her stay at Mi Na's. She had never eaten at their dining table, had never asked them for anything, and when her husband burst through the doors each night, Song Ji knew to hide in the room.

Yet, she knew it wouldn't last.

Song Ji's lips trembled, and droplets of tears raced across her cheeks. She nearly choked, trying to hold back the downpour of emotions washing down on her. How many times will she cry in this life?

"You can't, Mi Na," She pleaded through the rivulets of tears, "Please, I have nowhere to go!"

Mi Na deeply exhaled, forcing out the dreaded words Song Ji had anticipated, "I'm sorry. I can't help you."

Her mother's cousin left the room and came back seconds later with a sack of their belongings and a bundle of clothes.

"You can't continue your life as Jeon Song Ji, but you can continue them as someone else."

Song Ji looked down at the clothes she had packed. They were men's hanboks, not the smooth, colorful silk ones Kwang So had worn but ordinary, cotton, bland ones made for lower-class men. She understood why Mi Na gave her these, for it was dangerous for young women to stay alone. Being a man will help her find jobs and will make her less of a prey.

"These were my son's," Mi Na mumbled as if lost in her memories," He ran away when he was about your age."

Song Ji looked up to meet her eyes. Is that why Mi Na's husband hit her every night? Did he think it was her fault their son ran away? The answers were in her eyes, and Song Ji reached out for her hands, the same reassuring gesture her mother had always done.

"Min Joon Yung was his name. Perhaps that can be yours?"

Song Ji gratefully took the clothes, "Thank you."

Mi Na pulled her hands away to wipe the tears on her eyes, "Your mother knew a great, loyal man name Kim Byung-ho. I've heard he worked at the palace for the prince. He was a great friend to your mother, and he owns her a debt. I think it will be wise if you visited him."

The royal palace? All through her short life, Song Ji has never seen or remotely knew anyone from the court. She had never once seen the prince come out of his walls, nor has she seen this man, Byung-ho, her cousin was talking about.

"I don't know him. I've never seen his face," Song Ji frowned.

Mi Na gave a sad smile, "But he will see you, child. You're the perfect picture of your mother from ten summers ago."

The thought of her mother stabbed at her heart like a sharp dagger, but she couldn't start breaking apart again. She could take care of herself, by herself. Unlike her mother, she will not let anybody change that.

"How will I enter the palace?" She inquired.

"The man's a eunuch, but luckily for you, we won't need to do the chopping."

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Author's Note

A eunuch is a man that has been castrated in order to be employed at an oriental court.

Anyways...

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