In This Life

The Ugliness of Ignorance

Song Ji

It felt like she stood there for hours, her feet glued to the floorboards, while her mother's wild sobs swelled over the room. All Song Ji could hear through her cries was her heartbeat, hammering against her ribs and pounding throughout her chest.

She couldn't process what she was seeing, as if her eyes were lying to her. At first, she thought it was all a dream, a nightmare. Kwang So not showing up, their completely bared, utterly empty library-- all of it had been her own imagination.

Yet she knew, deep down in her heart, it wasn't.

The harsh reality struck her like a sword, and she almost sank to the ground with her mother. Before her knees could give out, she rushed to the heaving figure, her cries quickly turning into fits of cough.

Her mother's accusation filled the open air, "Who did you tell?"

Song Ji couldn't bear the looked in her eyes, nearly as hollow as the room. Every trance of the woman from Nana's story is gone.

Song Ji gulped.

"Who did you tell, Song Ji?" She screamed, her voice hoarse and ragged.

"I- I..."

Song Ji's lips quivered as she bit back more tears. It couldn't have been him. He wouldn't do something like this to anyone, especially not to her.

"Mother-

She was interrupted by another episode of coughs. How long had her mother been sitting here, crying, while Song Ji waited for a boy that was never going to come? How long was she absorbed in her own life that she didn't even bother to notice her mother's health was this terrible? Salty droplets of tears raced from her eyes. It took this long for her to realize that Song Ji had been an awful daughter.

Quickly, she wiped the tears off her cheek and helped her mother off the floor. She was tired, her mother's body dragging her down like stones, but nonetheless, she had to get her out of this cold room.

They quietly climbed the stairs and turned towards her room instead of her mother's, knowing fully well that the robbers must have rampaged through her belongings as well. Song Ji slid through the door and was glad to find that nothing was stolen. She gently placed her mother on her bed, pulling up the blankets to cover her shivering body. Shen then lit a lantern, hoping it would soften the cold.

"I'll fix this," She whispered, breathing in a lung full of the chilly night air, "I will fix everything."

Eventually, she slowly crawled under the covers beside her mother, silently crying herself to sleep as she stared at the begonia flower up against her windowsill.

▪○▪○▪

The sun was still asleep when Song Ji woke up. She noiselessly pulled aside the blankets and looked back to ensure she hadn't woken up her mother. Her figure looked so small under the blankets, fragile as a porcelain doll. Her mother must have some medicine in her room, she thought, as she crawled out of bed.

The image of last night left a fresh wound in her head, and Song Ji couldn't understand who and why they would do such a thing. Sure, words must have been flying around about their library, but they were always there; nobody had tried to act on rumors. Except, Song Ji had shown a specific someone that it was no lies, she had shown him everything, and now it was all gone.

Her knees came down under her, and Song Ji pressed her body to the wall to keep herself steady.

"Kwang So," She whispered the name that once brought her contentment but now reeked with betrayal.

Song Ji realized she barely knew anything about him. He never spoke about where he lived, about his parents, or about his past. Yet somehow, he knew everything about her. He knew about the books, and he took them; she had shown him the library, and he had taken it all; she gave him her heart and trust, but he broke them into smithereens.

He used her.

How can she be so stupid?!

Song Ji combed her hands through her hair and bit back the tears until she tasted blood. It was no use. How can one's lust turn into such hatred so quickly? It seemed impossible to Song Ji that her eyes haven't run out of tears, but there they were, racing down her cheek like a downpour. In seconds, she had sunk onto the ground, crying out an ocean of tears for how selfish and reckless she was.

She realized all along Kwang So had never once been her prince of flowers but rather a searing flame. And she, a moth, attracted to the brilliant light without having a single clue how dangerous it was. The beauty and fantasy of it all had blinded her until finally, she touched the flame and burned into nothing as the fire grew.

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Author's Note

This chapter is really short, mainly because it is just a continuum for the last chapter. I also wanted to start another chapter with someone else's point of view.