Your table is filled with idle chatter while you wait for dinner to be served. Payton, Jenna, Sheppard, Anthony, Ashley and yourself are all sitting at one big booth shaped like a crescent moon . Ashley's hand is warm and soft on your thigh in a way that feels especially comforting because you're still not used to being in a group this big with all of her aesthetically cool friends. You're truly thankful that the drinking age in Europe isn't 21 and that you're able to drink with everyone, even though you're only a few days short of your official birthday. The two glasses of wine have helped you relax, helped you loosen up a little bit.
"Yeah, I doubt you're the only one that does that," Jenna teases Anthony as part of the conversation you didn't catch, "we all know Ashley watches Y/N's videos and those snapchat compiliations when she's away. It's like the cutest fucking thing."
A blush immediately rises in Ashley's cheeks when everyone is suddenly laughing and watching her. "Awwww, Ash! I didn't know that." You say and pull her in, squishing her freckled face into your neck on accident. "You're so cute!" You exclaim, then whisper, "I love you," before letting her go.
"I hate you, Jenna," Ashley mumbles.
"Sorry not sorry. We were just talking about how rough it can be being away. You two must have been having eye sex or something."
"Probably," Payton chimes in. "When are they not?"
Yet again, everyone laughs at the two of you and if you didn't like these people so much you'd tell them to go fuck themselves. "Alright, alright. Everyone leave me and my girl alone." Ashley tells them from your side with a smile and happy shine in her eyes. "J, when are you putting out another video?"
Ashley's extroverted nature and ability to change topics quickly amazes you constantly, especially because you're naturally an introvert. "My hero," you tell her playfully and rest your hand on your fist to look at her profile. She pokes her tongue out and pats your thigh in acknowledgment.
The food finally arrives which causes the chatter to die down, allowing a reprieve from the quick and sometimes overwhelming back and forth that happens when so many smart people are within ten feet of one another. "Wanna bite?" Ashley holds up her fork and you scrunch your nose at the mound of veggies on it. "Or not," she says with a laugh. You hold your own fork up for her in consolation and watch her take a bite of the alfredo, moaning in satisfaction. "That's fucking delicious. I'm so jealous of you right now." Her lips turn down in a pout and you kiss it away. "Mmmm, your kisses taste like alfredo."
You can't help but laugh at the way she licks her lips to hold on to the taste. "You're so pathetic for dairy it's actually kind of adorable."
She rolls her hazel eyes. "Shut up. Not all of us can be college students with disgustingly quick metabolisms and the power to fuck up our vocal chords, can we?"
Anthony must have heard the word college and perks up, asking how everything is going so far. "Well, I have a semester left and I got into film school, so I'm super excited about that."
The table gives you a cluster of praise at the news. "Where are you going?"
"I haven't officially decided, but I got into NYU, UCLA, and USC by some fucking miracle. I need to decide in the next few weeks but I'm kind of freaking out. NYU is offering the most aide and UCLA and USC are disgustingly expensive when you're paying for it yourself."
"Well, any school is lucky to have you," Sheppard says and everyone hums in agreement. "You're going to be a badass documentary maker. Maybe you can help Ash out and up her music video game!" He teases. The table chuckles but Ashley is quiet, studying you intensely. You shift under her gaze and figure it's almost time for the two of you to go. School is a sore topic for your girlfriend, especially because you're still even considering NYU, considering spending even more time away from her for the two years your graduate studies will require.
You make your way to the exit and into an Uber no more than fifteen minutes later, just after dessert, and decided to skip the club to have this conversation. It's quiet in the cab but she holds your hand, leading you to believe she's not really mad so much as thinking. The elevator is just as quiet as the drive, so is your nightly routine.
It's not until every light in the hotel room is out and you're both covered in darkness that Ashley says anything. She's always softer at night, always more willing to unabashedly tell you how she feels without shame or embarrassment. "I'm scared of you going to NYU," she whispers in the space between you. Her frown and furrowed brows are obvious even in complete darkness. "I know we're essentially doing long distance now, but it's so hard. I thought for sure you'd pick UCLA."
"I do. I want it so badly, that way we can at least be in the same city while you're here but I don't know if I can. I've got to think about my future and my finances, Ashley. It's so fucking expensive."
"And NYU somehow isn't?" She challenges gently.
"You know I wouldn't consider this if I had any other choice with money. It's expensive, yes, but I don't have to pay for living expenses. I can save that money to come out and see you."
You can hear her brain working. "Just move in with me...We'll be together....In the same place."
"True."
"You can come home to me and wake up next to me and it'll be the same for me. We cook together and do stupid shit. It'll be us against the world."
The images are flicking like a slideshow in your brain before you can stop them. As much as you want it though, you don't know if you can rely on Ashley for so much. "Ashley, I can't even afford to pay a tenth of the mortgage on your new house. Hell, I had to scrape pennies and dimes for this flight out to Paris. I want to be able to contribute and not live off of you like you're my sugar daddy, or mommy, or whatever. You get what I'm saying right?"
She giggles and lowers her voice an octave. "I'm so down to be your sugar mommy."
"Ugh. Seriously, Ashley."
"Okay, okay. Well, all of your arguments are invalid. I paid cash for the new house so there's that. So toss that shitty argument out. Second, I'm sure we can find you a job. It's not like I don't have connections. Third, I'm not always home and I always need someone to keep an eye on the house and now Jagger. You being there would be very, very convenient in that aspect. Four, I really fucking love you and I really want to live with you. If you're not ready for that and this is your way of telling me, it's totally fine. I get it. This is scary for both of us. Just be honest with me, okay?"
"I want to live with you..."
"Why do I feel a major but coming?"
"There isn't one. It's just the financial aspect of it all. More than anything I want to wake up to you and your drool puddles and your cute little nose. I want to talk like we are right now every night. I love you too. It's just the money, you know how I am with that."
Ashley mumbles, "unfortunately," loud enough for you to hear it.
"Let me think about it, okay? I promise I'll have an answer by the time you're back in the states and we'll figure out all of the logistics."
"Fair. You're in town until after I get back, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Stay at my place until I get back, please? For me? I want you to see what it could be like and get comfortable. Is that okay?"
You reach out and smooth Ashley's short hair back. "That's fair. Okay. I'll do that."
"Good." She leans over to kiss you sweetly and you're 99% sure you've already made a decision.
