"Did you like the Closer video?" Ashley asks excitedly after you get home from classes. "Have you watched it yet?" She queries as she follows you between rooms throughout your end of the day routine.
"Yes, I watched it. No, I didn't like it." You tell her bluntly after changing into some sweats and a t-shirt.
"Bullshit. You had to have liked it! I made them do my hair that way you like it!" She says, not fully believing how serious you are. You want to laugh because only Ashley would think her hair would make you feel any different about the video. Instead, you pace to the kitchen in hopes that she'll leave you alone long enough to get a snack.
"You looked beautiful, but no. I didn't like it, Ash. At all." You throw over your shoulder while looking in the pantry.
"O-o-okay," she draws out, then asks in a resigned voice because she fully well knows the answer to her next question, "Well, why didn't you like it?"
You cease your rummaging in the pantry and spin around to face your girlfriend. She already looks annoyed and defeated. The argument that's about to come has been building for the past month or two, you decide tonight is the night it'll finally be out in the open.
"I didn't like it, Ashley," you pause and take a few steps toward her, "because you got to make out half-naked with a college frat fuck boy looking ass while I get paid literal shit by you when it comes to our relationship. I can't hold your hand but he can have his all over you. We've never been on a date but you get to practically give him a lap dance on camera? Of course I fucking hated it, what did you expect?"
Ashley sighs and shakes her head. "I knew this shit would happen. Why can't you get over that? You know I like to keep a few things separate between personal and professional. Ashley has to keep some fucking things separate from Halsey or it all blurs together and turns into a fucking monster. This industry has destroyed my relationships and I haven't been able to do anything about it."
"Oh, shut the hell up." You say, frustration coursing through your veins. "What happened to being authentic? Huh? 'Hi, I'm Halsey! And I'm real and authentic but I'm not going to tell you about my girlfriend of two fucking years! Ha!'" You mock your girlfriend. "Like, seriously, Ashley? What kind of bullshit is that? You're hiding and I'm tired of going round and round on this. I'm so sick of it it's not even fucking funny. The worst you could do is be coy about it! Let the rumors run! But, nope. Not you. God, I'm so sick of this."
"Baby-" She starts off and you interrupt because getting all of these feelings out is beyond necessary at this point. You just need her to understand how stupid and stubborn she's being.
"Don't baby me. Don't give some bullshit excuse. Either you get your Halsey fan-fucking-tastic career and no me or you keep both by telling the truth. Grow some fucking balls and be the woman I know you are. I'm tired of being your dirty little secret and all-American gal pal. Don't treat me like Taylor Swift does to Karlie Kloss. You've got nothing to lose but me. It's not like anybody would be surprised. You're open about your sexuality." You sit there and stare at Ashley. Her eyes are dark and she looks angry but you know you hit home this time. A weight feels like it's been lifted off of your chest and now it's all up to her. "I'm going to go stay with Katy tonight. I'll give you space to make your decision."
With that, you leave your girlfriend as you gather your things to spend the night at your best friend's house on the other side of town.
You're greeted with open arms after calling on the drive over and spilling everything. "It's about time you tell her how you've been feeling," Katy reassures you with kind blue eyes and a soft smile while cracking open a bottle of wine. "She'll be calling you at like 2 AM telling you she can't live without you. Trust me."
The call comes at 2:45 AM. "Y/N," Ashley slurs into the phone, drawing out every syllable. "I'm so sorry!" She hiccups. "God, I'm fucking stupid. I'm sorry. I l-loove you. Like, more than anyone I've ever loved in my life."
"Ash, are you at home?"
"Yes. I'm am at our residence. With my dear friend Jack and another one named Coke."
"Please tell me it's not the powdery one?"
"Just the diet kind." She reassures you drunkenly. "Any-whoooo, you interrupted me. I was saying that I love you. And I was walking around our house like a fucking loser because I feel lost. You gave me an ultomato, no, ultimatum, and I felt like my heart was ripping. The house is nothing without you in it. Without you curled up on the couch with a book. Without you smoking a joint out by the pool. Without your makeup next to mine. Without you pretending to help in the kitchen. It's empty and I already miss you."
"I miss you too."
You're not surprised at Ashley's eloquence, she's always been particularly good at speaking while intoxicated, but it hits you hard. Mostly because you feel the exact same way. There is no home without her. That's when you decide to get in the car and make the drive back to your home, your girlfriend. After scribbling a note, you jump in the car and drive back as fast as possible.
When you get home you're not surprised to see the singer spread out across the plush couch with a half-empty bottle of jack and liter of coke sitting on the coffee table.
"I'm home," you whisper.
"Thank god, I felt lost for the past seven hours," she says while sitting upright. She only sways a little."Like, I felt helpless like a puppy waiting for its owner to come back. My heart is a puppy and it will always, always, always be chasing after you hopelessly like you put the sun in the sky. Which you do. You are my sun and my moon and my stars and my world. And I have done a shitty job of showing you that lately."
"Yeah, you have."
"Ouch. I deserved that, though. I want us to be out and proud because you're right. I'm lying to all of those kids out there that think I'm doing something right. I can't preach about being a good person to others when I've been the shittiest person to the one that I love more than anything in this world. I fucking suck. I'm a fucking fraud in both aspects. You and I are a forever kind of thing. I've known that for a long time and I'm sorry if that freaks you out, but I love you."
"I love you too. And I want us to be a forever kind of thing so badly, but that's not up to me. You have more to lose than I do."
"Not really, you're everything. None of that matters if I don't have you. So, we're going to start being out more and more. We'll go on dates and I'll court you like I did two years and three months ago and we'll be us. It'll be us against the world and it'll be real and it'll be the start of another chapter in our little forever. Is that okay?" She looks at you with big eyes and in them you see love, eagerness, hope, and your entire future.
