Waiting For Superman- A Team Crafted/ CaptianSparklez Fanfic

Chapter 17

I feel like I've been punched in the chest. Of all people, it just had to be him. So why am I not surprised? I don't hear anything after that, only a ringing in my ears. I stare at her for a moment. She's so perfect. And I can't have her. Anger begins to grow in my chest. Not at Ali, but at Mitch. He just had to take her. Never mind everything else he's stolen from me. That's his life goal, to ruin mine. And now she's his too, and the worst part is, I know she'll get hurt by him, in the end. I'm silent, dead silent, but my mind races. I run both hands through my hair, and things start to blur out and spin slightly. It's happening again. One of my attacks.

*Ali's POV*

I can only watch as a whole jumble of bad feeling gather behind his eyes, and feel the tension in the room about to explode. He's silent, but I can tell he's hurt. And mad, and upset. But really, really hurt. And I hate that. What have I done to him? I never wanted this, I didn't want to hurt him! He abruptly walks across the living room, fists clenched. I follow quietly, just watching. I don't want him to hurt himself. He then yells and kicks over a chair. I jump slightly, a bit shocked. I take a breath and stand still, not wanting him to turn on me. The chair is followed by a flipped desk, and a thrown remote. I blink in shock, because I've never seen him like this. He suddenly sits down, and puts his head in his hands. I stand there for a moment. I knew he had bipolar attacks sometimes. I didn't know how violent they were. I don't think he can control what he's doing. My heart aches as I watch him. I have to fix this. At least try. "Jordan." I say quietly. His head snaps up to look at me, eyes red and on the verge of tears. I sigh, walking over and sitting next to him quietly. Maybe this is all I can do right now, try to explain. "I never wanted to hurt you." I say, starting to choke up myself. He shakes his head "I'm not mad at you." His voice is strained and tense. He squeezes his eyes shut, one tears falling to the ground. I press my lips together, incredible pain filling me. "I'm not saying it's not going to happen. It just can't happen right now." I say, my voice soft and almost breaking, and unable to tear my eyes away from him. A few more tears start to roll down his cheeks. "If it wasn't Mitch..." he gets out, his voice shaky. I look down, wrinkling my eyebrow, because I feel his pain. And I know it's my fault. He then grips my shoulders suddenly, looking straight into my eyes. I almost can't stand to see his tears. "I just want to tell you this. I will be here for you. When he hurts you. He will hurt you Ali." He pauses, his voice surprisingly strong. I don't want to believe him, but I do. "I will wait for you. Even if it means waiting forever." He finishes, eyes still red but no longer crying. His love is almost too strong. In that moment, my resolve almost breaks. It comes so, so close. I just want to hold him and tell him I love him and kiss him. I want to be there for him too. But I made a promise. And he made one to me too. So my heart just breaks.

I'm pretty reluctant to drive in my current emotional state, but I do anyways, once I think Jordan is stable. But I'm far from stable myself. Tears start to roll down my face as I drive. I mutter lyrics, unable to think straight. "She's making a wish on a passing car." I whisper, taking a shaky breath. I park in the campus dorm lot, and rest my head on the steering wheel, shutting my eyes and ignoring the tears that fall as a result. I can feel myself break, and whisper "She's falling apart."

I eventually run up the stairs, glad that no one seems to be around. I drop my phone on the table, where a note from Em says "I'm out for the night, see you tomorrow:)". The pain is just too much. I have to get rid of it, or distract myself, something. I can't handle it. I walk quickly to the bathroom, grabbing the razor and drawing it slowly across my forearm, watching the blood well up and drip onto the ground. It feels better that way, like my heart doesn't hurt quiet as bad. Then I snap out of it. I open my eyes wider, quickly dropping the razor. They wouldn't want me to do this. Not Mitch or Jordan. Not Em, not my parents, not anyone. Even if I want to, I can't, even if it's just for them. I know it's better for me too. I squeeze my eyes shut, leaning on the counter. I stare at my own reflection. Why do I do this? I know I've hurt Jordan, and that's my reason for tonight. I've hurt him; I've made things so much harder for Mitch and myself. So why can't I just choose?

I clean myself up, shaking it off. I need a better way to cope with this. One that doesn't hurt me. I glance at my phone, grabbing it and texting Mitch. "Can you come over?" I need someone to lean on. Why not the one that I did this for? He responds with in a few seconds "Of course." I smile slightly. At least I haven't hurt him.

Mitch sees I've been crying almost instantly. He frowns and shuts the door behind him "What happened?" he asks, concerned. I almost start crying again. "I talked to Jordan..." I say, my voice wavering. Mitch's forehead wrinkles and he pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry." He whispers. This is another difference between him and Jordan; Jordan resorts to words, but Mitch almost always responds physically first. I don't mind. It makes me feels safe. Like he's holding me together. "I know you're probably the last person that wants to hear about this." I mumble into his shirt. He grabs my hand and pulls my over to the couch, sitting and looking at me, never letting go of my hand "No, tell me." I smiles gratefully, and lean on him. "I hurt him Mitch. Really bad." I say softly, my voice becoming shaky. He nods "That was unavoidable." I sigh "I told him about us and he...well, freaked out a bit." Mitch frowns, looking worried "Not on me." I say quickly. "Jordan has bipolar attacks sometimes." I continue, realizing how much I know about him. "But once he came out of it, he said he'll still be there as a friend." I say, not mentioning that part where he swore Mitch would hurt me and he'd wait for me forever. "But I hated hurting him like that." I say, my pain spilling over into my voice. He squeezes me a bit "You did what you had to do, so don't blame yourself. It's really my fault. But he'll get over it eventually. And now we're together." He says, seeming rather self-assured, and not all that empathetic to Jordan's situation. But I nod anyways "Yeah, that's the silver lining." He smiles widely, and that makes everything just a bit more ok.

A few months pass like this. Mitch and I happy, Jordan waiting. I do see him sometimes, but there is this unbearable sadness behind his eyes. As hard as he tries to hide it and be happy for me, I know he's not the same. And it's all my fault.

A/N: ahhhhhh to much feels...... Jordan's perfectness level is at like 10 billion right now geez. and foreshadowing! Lol anyways, if ya enjoyed, slap dat vote button, drop a comment, and we'll see what happens next! (PS I think my Jordan lovers will like the next chapter*winkwink*)

-Argo