My Own Way

Chapter 27

"I don't think that is the reason you have tears going down your gorgeous face." He said.

"Then what's the reason?" I asked him, keeping my eyes on the floor.

"That back then, that was all you knew. You probably kept hoping that by some miracle, he would change and be nicer...to you and your mom and that he wouldn't take your toys away from you. I think every time you had a good day, somewhere in you mind you hoped that the miracle would happen that day but when the next day came around, you were let down. You'd put your hopes high and the fall was devastating each time... You grew up with that in mind and at times I think you still think that way except in reverse. You keep your expectation of other people very low because you always think they'll disappoint you. It's your way of always protecting yourself."

I turned my head and I looked at him in confusion, "You got all that from a horse?" I asked.

"No, just a piece of the puzzle... I understand you a bit more each time. You almost never let your guard down but when you do, even if it's just for a few seconds, I understand more about you and why you react the way you do."

"Puzzle?" I asked.

"A complicated, yet gorgeous puzzle...and I wouldn't want to trade puzzles with anyone else." He said with a small smile on his face.

I laughed, "You'll most likely regret that one day."

"I don't think so." He whispered.

He didn't say anything else so I continued talking.

"I remember one day waking up to the sound of my mom crying. I was on the bed and she was in the bathroom. I'm sure she cried a lot but she tried her best to never do it in front of me. I went to see her and she was sitting on the floor. I could tell that she had been pulling on her chain because her ankle was so red and she had cuts on her skin with blood coming out. I took a towel and put it on her ankle as best as I could. She kept saying that it was okay, that it didn't hurt. She got up and threw something in the little garbage we had. She took my hand and we went back to our bed that we shared. I was so curious, I wanted to know what she threw in the garbage, so when she fell asleep I got up, went to the garbage and took out the paper. I remembered it from that morning. Jesse had showed my mom an article from the paper and it was a man and a woman announcing they were getting married. I didn't understand why a picture could make my mom so sad until we left that place and I saw that same man in the doorway of our hospital room. The people in that photo had been my dad with his new fiancée. At first I wasn't sure if it was him but...the man in the photo and him did look a lot a like."

"I didn't know that." Blake said.

"He doesn't talk about her. It's like he's embarrassed about it. I asked him when I was...I don't know, 12 years old or something and he just said, it had been a mistake. No one ever looked for my mom when she disappeared. Everyone thought she didn't want to marry my dad and just...left. No one knew about me but...no one ever looked for her. If they would have, maybe they would have found us a lot sooner and he wouldn't have gotten engaged...who knows. Everyone still feels bad about not looking and listening to Jesse who kept telling everyone that she was so happy where she was and didn't want anyone to call or look for her."

"How did Jesse know...everyone?" Blake asked.

"My mom and Jesse, they grew up together. They had been friends since they were little, they even went to High School together... Didn't I ever mention it?" I asked, not remembering.

"You mentioned some things but...not like this. You spoke about Jesse with... the other Jesse situation but, it's like you were talking in code with your parents and Justin." He explained.