An Impossible Love [l.t au]

36.

He shrugs and puts his arms behind his head, cradling the yellow-blond head. "I tried. What do you think?"

A smile grows on my face. "This is cool. Really cool. How does it go?"

~*~

Patrick's mum was kind of enough to drop me back home so I wouldn't have to walk in the night alone. Honestly, I'm kind of disappointed. I was looking forward to walk in the dark, but then again, I probably would've been paranoid as fuck.

It wasn't long before I got home and received a call from Ayesha.

"Alex, listen. Have you heard from Louis or seen him at all?" She asks in a somewhat trembling voice.

My world crashes at this. What's happening? "No, I haven't. Ayesha, is everything okay? Where's Louis? Is he okay?"

There's ruffling on the other end which only adds to my worry. "Flora called and said he hasn't come home now for a couple hours and he isn't picking up his phone," I nervously chew on my lip and look around helplessly in my room. "Don't worry, though! He's Louis, we all know he knows how to take care of himself." She quickly adds. Probably because she can hear my anxiety.

"Right, right. I'll try texting him," I say and she agrees. The call ends and I quickly go to my messages to text Louis.

But then for some reason, I rethink it. Should I really text him? There's a reason he left and if he isn't answering Ayesha or his own mother, what makes me think he'll answer me?

He won't.

So I put my phone back down and sit on my bed dumbly. It's times like these where I wish I could just teleport myself to Louis and comfort him for whatever troubles he's going through. It's kinda hard to do that when he's pushing people away.

(a/n: It's also hard to do that if he doesn't know you exist.)

What else can I do? How can I help someone who's so lost, they can't find the proper words to explain their story? Closing my eyes, I lay back down in bed.

Would a text hurt?

Yes.

If he doesn't reply, I'd feel so rejected and then how would I ever talk to Louis? He wants to be left alone. I'll leave him alone. I quickly put my headphones on to keep from the growing tears escaping my eyes. I will not cry for Louis. I will not cry for Louis. If anything, he'll need someone strong. Be strong, Lexie.

Maybe a text would hurt...but a quick secret walk wouldn't.

"Dad?" I call out.

No reply. He's probably asleep from the long day he's had. That's perfect, I'll just walk around the neighbourhood and try to find him with my lame attempt. I doubt I'll find anything, but everything's worth a try. Grabbing my jacket from the side of my bed, I walk downstairs quietly and slip my shoes back on. I have to go outside and start walking before I regret the whole decision.

Nights like these- where it's not too chilly, but not too warm- would remind me of the nights I'd go to the park crying at midnight. It was near the time of when my mother passed away and the pressure of having myself put me down would always be too much for me.

But at the same time, it's also somehow soothing. The slight breeze carries away all the regrets I have for the night, and the stars would give me new hope. That's why I loved finally pouring out all my emotions at night.

Okay, I'll just walk down the street and hope I don't get kidnapped or raped. If anyone decides to come near me, I'll just kick them in balls when they lease expect it. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.