Something's Gotta Give

Tears of the Past

"I was a pissed off asshole that wanted out of the damn hospital and away from nurses poking and prodding me with needles and machines. I felt like an experiment and caged in those same four walls."

"So you went about as far from that place as you could the moment they set you free."

He shut the fridge without getting anything, and walked the length of the kitchen with his hands in his hair. Anxiety tensed every single one of his muscles, and Bella had no doubt he was feeling as caged as he had in that hospital.

"How are you driving?" she asked after a minute of watching him.

He spun around as if she startled him. "The weed and Emmett's baby girl."

"Emmett's daughter," she said softly, her heart breaking a little as he explained. She'd only met Jasmine once, and realized that something was different about the little girl. A person wouldn't know it with just a look, but if they watched her, they'd notice she didn't use her right arm much and walked with a slight limp.

Edward's voice was warmer as he told her everything about Emmett's daughter she hadn't known. By the time she reached two years of age, she had undergone three brain surgeries and would always have neurological and other health issues. He explained that the poor little girl would have seizures for the rest of her life. As an alternative to the drugs she was on to combat it, Rosalie looked into using other methods, including a cannabis oil made with a strain that didn't produce the high of regular marijuana. California had waiting lists a mile long, and Jasmine had another two years before they could do it legally.

Edward had already found a friend of a friend, and was growing the strain for his own use. He gave them the oil in exchange for Emmett to turn his cheek about growing it and driving. He had the perfect place for the small crop up on the mountain.

"I take medications for anxiety, but smoking every couple of days helps with the seizures."

"Did you think I'd give you shit about it?" He shrugged, not really looking at her. "Edward, I've smoked pot, too, and not the kind you have here."

His eyebrows rose high, his gaze finally meeting hers, surprised by her revelation. "High school?" he said, stating it like a question.

"Not really, but for me to explain all that, I pretty much need to start from the beginning. Are you feeling up to it?"

"No," he said, roughly rubbing a hand over his face. "I think I need to sit down."

She nodded and made her way around the island that stood between them. Keeping her eyes on his, she wrapped her arms around his waist, just to see if he'd turn her away. He shivered and it broke her heart a little more.

"It's going to be all right," she stated softly, pressing a kiss to his chest. One of his idle hands lifted to the small of her back, a fingertip there swirling in a small circle. He looked down at her, his brow furrowed as his eyes roamed slowly over her face. "I'll leave if you ask me to." His eyebrows rose, as if he couldn't believe that. "All right, I'll bitch for several minutes, then leave."

"Always have to have the last word," he said, leading them to the living room. He sat down, but as she was about to sit on the other end of the couch, he seemed to have second thoughts. His hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, tugging her down beside him. "You're too far away."

Bella always found that moments like this with Edward were rare. From what she gathered in their interactions so far, physical contact was limited to his parents for him since his arrival atop the mountain. She tried to give him space when he seemed to need it, but more than half of the time, he pulled her closer instead.

She had to take a few seconds to make sense of everything in her head. There was no unraveling it or easy way to tell him. "I married my best friend the day after I turned eighteen and he left for basics a month later." Edward's body felt like it turned to stone beside her. "I stayed behind to finish my senior year, and I moved on base once housing was available."

"Jesus, you were an army wife and just a kid," he said, shaking his head, and then eyes narrowed. "Tell me he didn't hurt you." His gaze darkened, and from the tight-lipped words, she knew where his thoughts had led him. He knew from experience.

She tried not to read too much into the fact that he placed her beside him. "He didn't mean to."

"Christ," he hissed and jumped up, but gestured for her to continue as he paced.

Bella tugged on her hair for a moment, trying to dispel the images that started to come at her from all sides. "He was my best friend since I was ten and when he finally had the balls to tell me how he really felt, it was a few months before he graduated. We had a great summer before we married and he left. I visited when I could after he finished Basic, and things were good, at first. It took some getting used to. Best friend or not, I didn't know everything about him. It was like you said, we were kids, not used to all of each other's habits. I had the freedom to do what I wanted—work, go to school, and take pictures during his deployment. Anyway, it was after his first tour that things dramatically changed. He was gone for a little over a year and the homecoming was subdued. He'd lost a friend, had seen things. I knew it would take time to acclimate afterward, especially after the first deployment. Some of the other wives warned me. It was the third night that I realized he wasn't sleeping in bed. I checked on him, found him asleep on the couch and…"

Edward had his back to her, but his words felt like arrows. "He attacked you."