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The Beauty Behind Our Madness

The Beauty Behind Our Madness

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Austin Alsina

One thing I don't stand for and will not stand for is the truth— I won't tolerate it. Don't tell me the truth, because to me that's the equivalent to a slap in the face and right now I'm not looking for a reality check. I'm faced with one everyday. I try my hardest to stay at a numb mentality, a place that I can't feel so that I don't have to deal with what's waiting for me when I open my eyes. Truth— is one thing that I will never face, it's a hypocritical bastard that lives to ruin lives and pull your entire existence into a frenzy that's worse than the one you're already spinning in. The truth — is undoubtedly— a menace, but it's a menace that I can't stand up to.

I guess in other words I'm saying the reason I haven't talked to the girl of Pocahontas distinction is because she hit me with the truth, and at a time like this, I can't deal with such a thing.

That girl knows too much without even knowing me at all, and that shit just don't sit well with me. She reads me like a book and expects me to be alright with that, but no; I won't let that slide. I have walls built up for a reason. To keep people away...

But with ease she slides pass them and intrudes her way into my territory like there wasn't even an army built up of weapons and defense systems. She knows nothing about me, yet, she knows everything about me— everything that I thought was burned away in this heart of mine and only trickled in the small ashes that laid at the bottom of my ribcage. She knew of my hidden secrets that riddled holes throughout me. The ones that made me empty.

I haven't been by her side as I usually would for a few days, but I've been around. I do still have a promise to keep to Ken, but I just have to keep that promise from a distance.

I can't face her like this....not while I'm vulnerable.

That's what the truth does. It makes you open to the world and all of it's attacks.

As I walked into my crumbling household going unnoticed, I smelled the evil in the air and instantly my anxiety grew ten times it's already high state.

She was doing this again...and from the smell of it, I was about to have a long night.

The living room is where she resided. Drinking away the pain that I could never take away. It was dark, but I heard the cries of a mother— nomatter how low they may have been, I always heard them.

And even though I heard them, there was nothing I could do to make them go away. So I just listened to her whimpers-no, to her sobs.

I stayed at the door, as she sat, back towards me in the living room that was only a few feet away from me. The house was nothing but a dark hollow thing, it had no liveliness to show for itself— when Ash left he took that with him I guess. That woman in there, she was so close but so so distant from me. She sat in the other room, only a couple steps away, but to get in touch with her mentally would take steps that my feet could not even measure. They would perish before they even seen a small fabric that could lead me to where her mind was at.

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