Did I lose you guys?...😔
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Your Favorite and My Favorite
Delilah Thomas
..............."Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" I hit my fist against my head."Why are you so fucking stupid!"
Who knew how he must have looked at me now, seeing me act all hostile and frantic like— god he must think I'm out of my fucking mind— which I am.
I forgot to take my medicine, I never forget my medicine, but this morning Marcus was at home with me and I just-I had to get out of there before he made his presence known. Life is so foolish to me, it tries it's hardest to break me down into nothing— but I wont let it. I stand tall against it; or so I thought. I always say I can handle life, when in reality, life has already chewed me up and spit me out. I'm simply the fool in denial that smiled when there was nothing but tears that wanted to overflow.
The happiest looking people are the most miserable, and I am the living proof of that quote.
The trail that I was in need of finding was finally coming into my view, well the bushes and shrubs that hid the trail were coming into my view I should say. I quickly sped up my already bolting pace and rushed through mother nature's natural barrier to the place she wanted to remain hidden from the world.
I didn't have time to actually move the brushes aside like I usually did, so I ended up hurting myself in the process of getting through to the path that would lead me to my sanctuary.
Bad thing is, it didn't hurt.
That's how I knew my mind was getting worse with each second that passed by.
I was bipolar, meaning that my mind was not completely my own. I'm a happy person, but I have a mental illness that latched itself onto me, making my true self hide behind emotions that are not my own. Some days I'm happy, some days I feel the need to be depressed, some days I'm mad for no reason, but some days — like this one— I am manic, I-I grow suicidal and just unpredictable. I do things that I know I would never do, but thing is, I have no control over it. I'm a prisoner to myself.
You are a waste here Delilah! Why won't you end it! Look at you, you're miserable!
That voice is me, it always comes when my mood swings are all over the place. It says things that I don't want to hear. To me it feels as if it's letting out the thoughts and feelings that I suppress.
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