Sincerely, Tyler ▸ (Sequel to Dear, Rosemary)

33

There it stood, it's roots inhumed into the soil beneath it, towering over me intimidatingly. The awful thoughts were creeping back in slowly and I had known that this would need to be done before I was completely enveloped into the darkness of my mind.

The Ash trees branches swayed softly in the light wind, its leaves a beautiful rich emerald which blew rapidly in comparison to its bark-encased support. The grass where Rose's final moments were spent was a few meters away from me, gathering up the emotion I had been keeping to myself.

Slowly, after the preparation and built up courageousness, I unzipped my Jansport, pulling out what kept it heavy on the ground; cotton rope. It was stiff and quite sturdy, a material I'd found in the old shed. My eyes welled up as I threw the rope over one of the higher branches, securing it tightly to a large boulder that laid a few inches away from the trunk of the tree on the ground.

The breath I breathed was shaky and unsteady, along with my hands which acted the same way. The weather was warm and bliss, but my body was freezing as the cold thought of what was to come was so definitively engraved into my mind I had no other way around it.

I tried to imagine Rose's voice, reminding me that it was okay and that everything would be fine. Then the sound of her gentle singing of Johnny Boy replayed over and over in my head. It was a beautiful sound, one that I took for granted and wished I could hear just one more time again.

I began to cry out as I climbed up the tree where the one place I had built with my friends once stood strongly. My breath hitched into the back of my throat as my floral Vans almost caused me to lose my footing on the branch, as if it was a sign of some sort for me to get down.

My nose was running and my face felt moist as I began to tie the noose, my frail fingers wiping away at my eyes so that I could make out what I had been doing. But, I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried because my feelings would not stop themselves.

"Breathe in and out, Tyler. Don't be scared," I spoke softly to myself as I tried with all my might to gather what little hold of my emotions I had.

Once I had successfully tied the knot, the stray strings poked at my neck as the rope slivered around the skin, tightening itself harshly. I began to sob out once more, sniffling loudly as I choked up, "I'm so sorry mom and dad. I'm sorry I couldn't have been a better son," I breathed in shakily, my body quivering as I dug my head into my sleeve, wiping at the mess on my face, "Josh...oh gosh, please forgive me for this, I just couldn't be here any longer. I'm sorry for the sight you and Ryan will have to see of me soon."

My body was high up off of the ground, myself only just taking that fact into consideration as I glanced down for a quick moment. I placed my hands on my stomach to calm down, breathing with the rising and falling action of it. Rose had taught me to do that when I needed to reassure myself. I focused on other things like the cold sweat dripping from my forehead, and the small rabbit hopping around in the yard carelessly.

In this world, I'd always be known as a goner, which was not something I would be most proud of myself for. However, at this point in time, nothing could save me anymore. My one lifeline was taken away from me in oblivious minutes and her blood was on my hands. No matter the precautions, even a saw to my upper limbs wouldn't wash her DNA away.

And so, with that final thought in mind, my foot outstretched before me and I was scared out of my own skin almost. Shaking, trembling. My heart pounded, begging me to stop and turn away. Instead, my ankles collided with each other as the deed had been done.

I was losing my breath immediately. I swayed side to side in agony, the pain reaching me all over in a quick instance. I choked and struggled and kicked and flinched.

And, in that moment, I knew my final breaths were here and that they would be swift ones. As the light slowly faded in, my eyes rolled to the back of my skull, shutting closed completely as the air in my lungs left all together. Any thought in my mind began to leave me, along with the pain.

Everything was okay, and calm, and quiet. I wasn't suffering any longer, I wasn't hurting either. But, indeed I had been content as surely I would now be in the one place I've always seemed to belong.