Bad Boy Judah

t h i r t y s e v e n

His smile is invisible to the naked eye.

We sit in his Range Rover. We sit in silence. There's no point stalling. Though, I feel like the sky is falling.

I stare at him. He hasn't changed. His tousled hair is pulled back. His leather jacket covers his tattoos. His demons sit on his shoulders. There's a rip at the knee of his black jeans.

Judah's grey eyes look me over, taking in my shape I guess.

"I'm fine," I say, placing my arms over my stomach.

It's becoming a necessary habit. It seems that the baby suddenly has a burst of energy since I stepped out of the hospital, because he won't stay still. He wiggles and kicks and I can feel the whole bit.

"You are..." he says, nodding.

His deep voice forces memories through my mind. My lungs take a deep breath. Judah closes his hands into his pockets and drops his head onto the headrest. I can't find my words.

"Your boss found me... He wants to kill me," I say, "And the baby."

Judah's knee pans side to side. My hands freeze over.

"I'll kill him first," he mutters, looking out his window.

Easier said than done, I imagine. We fall back into silence. For a moment, my mind goes blank. Judah turns his head towards me again. I guess everything is about to change again.

"What?" I sigh, exhausted. Judah just stares directly in my eyes. "Don't look at me like that. You know why I had to lie about gummy bear."

He cocks a brow up, "Gummy bear?"

My palm smacks my forehead. I feel stupid. I want to go.

"You're not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be here," I shake my head.

"Can we talk?" he exhales.

"No," I groan.

"Then I'll talk," he decides. He looks down. "I'm sorry, Rose."

I close my eyes, because tears risk falling out of them.

"I'm sorry for all the times I made you cry," Judah says, as his voice recedes to a whisper. "I got... some things I need to work on. I know. I wish you—I wish things were different."

My lifeless shoulders drop.

"What do you want me to say?" my voice shakes.

His gunmetal gaze lands on me.

"Say you'll stay."

I shake my head and look away.

"Rose..."

"I can't!" I say, "Staying with you will only get this baby killed, and that's not fair. If anything happened—"

Judah reaches for my cold clammy hands.

"I wouldn't let anything happen."

"Not everything is in your control, Judah," I dispute.

"It is when it comes to my kid," he snaps.

He glances at my stomach, then at me, before looking back out the window. I believe he surprised us both.

He sighs, "Listen, I'll fix things. I promise."

"Judah," I hesitate.

He squeezes my hand.

"I promise."