Bittersweet (Yuri GirlxGirl)

Chapter 18: Hurt 「Chie」

Chapter 18: Hurt 「Chie」

I didn't know what my heart wanted. Maybe it was my teenage years that affected my thinking. Yumi was four years older than me. She was serious on what she wanted with me. I was too of course, but I had so many uneasy thoughts. At times I would want a normal heterosexual lifestyle, but at times I would want her. I felt I had to leave if I was constantly confused.

She wrote to me, sent me gifts, and even checked up on me during my days when I was trying my best to ignore her. I don't want to talk to her. The more I spoke to her, the more I would fall for her all over again. I didn't want to do that if I had uneasy thoughts on what I want. I decided to let myself be alone to focus on what I truly want. At the same time I felt selfish wanting her attention still on me. She must think I didn't want her anymore. I couldn't text her. I hid away with my thoughts.

"Hey how's Yumi?" My best friend said to me.

My heart sunk. My stomach began to twist and turn.

"We aren't together." I whispered.

She kept silent for she knew I didn't like to discuss such depressing subjects. I appreciate her maturity during this crisis.

I walked home and jumped into bed. I was on the verge of falling asleep as I saw the teddy bear Yumi bought me. It was giving a cute smile towards me, but I saw the sadness in it's eyes. I saw Yumi in that bear. How I must have hurted her. Tears started flowing from my eyes. I hate myself for being like this.

I sat grabbing my phone and sent her a small text. I started texting to her....

"Hey Yumi. I feel really weird these days. I know that we aren't speaking and I don't really want to text you, but the memories are killing me." My hands shook texting those simple words. Please please say something to knock sense into me. It's been a few weeks of not replying to her so I was afraid she might respond coldly, or too loving again. I wanted her to be aggressive with me. To make me fall for her. I awaited her text.

"I'll always be here for you if you want to say something." She replied.

Her words so lifeless. Even so I sense her love and hurt in the text. I knew she tried to be stronger without me. It made me cry. I couldn't reply. I wished she yelled at me saying I was stupid for leaving or anything to make me love her, but she didn't. I can't be selfish to wish so much. I lacked so much. I had to try for her too. I threw my phone aside and hopped on a nap.

What will this road take us? I knew I could move on, but something is holding me back. Am I blind? Am I afraid that someone else will take her and that I will never find another like her? I don't know anymore.

To Be Continued