Creative Love - kickthepj x reader

4

A/n THERE IS A MASSIVE TIME SKIP OF SIX MONTHS yeh i know thats massive but im lazy soooo yeah. lets get to the story~ 

TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM, THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, ETC. Just so you know (0w0)

--Six months after the first time Pj and y/n met--

I'd been going to game night every Saturday, growing closer to all they guys, but even closer to Peej, my feelings for him not fading, but strengthening. Every time I walked past him, my heart felt like exploding and I got this adrenaline rush in my core. I had another game night today, but Phil had told me some bad news. He had talked to me about my oh-so obvious feelings for my Curly fries a month or so ago. But last night, Pj had texted him saying he'd got a girlfriend, and had asked if she could come to game night. And before he replied, he asked me about it. So, I told him that as long as Pj was happy, I was happy, but I had been lying through my teeth. When I had read that he had a girl, and it wasn't me, I felt like a brick had been thrown at my stomach. I wanted to scream, to cry (a/n CRAFT sorry not sorry), but I sat there frozen. And now I had to go to a game night with her. 

When I knocked on Dan and Phil's door, I had lost my key enthusiasm. I was normally the one laughing too loud, waking up the neighbours, cracking inappropriate jokes, shouting. Once, their landlord even complained to them about me, but couldn't kick them out because it wasn't them who was making the noise.

Phil opened the door and gave me a sad smile, noticing my lack of zazz. He pulled me into a hug and whispered, 'she's quite.. er.. controlling.. and a bit annoying. But please try not to kill her,' he laughed quietly. 

'Alright. I'll try to hold back,' I attempted to smile. I wasn't ready to meet the girlfriend of my Pj, let alone the bitch girlfriend of my Pj. Phil, sensing my anxiety setting in, hugged me tighter before letting go, leading me into the lounge.

As soon as I walked into the room, the new girl, Sophie, shuffled closer to Pj, before kissing his cheek and getting up. (a/n I actually really love Sophie! She's so cool, I ship them. But I need an enemy for this story, so because I ship them, I'm making her like him. :3  k?) 

'Who the heck are you?' She spat at me.

'Nice to meet you too.. I'm y/n,' I faked my sassy self, I didn't want Peej to notice I was upset, he was the kind of person who would ask about it.

'Oh,' she smiled sarcastically, hugging me. I stayed stiff, not returning the embrace. Before she pulled apart, she whispered, 'you're fat, by the way, slut.'

I had a sudden flashback to the bullying I'd had in school. They'd push me down, call me fat, ugly, slut, whore, nerd, weird, etc. I stumbled out of the room, unaware of the tears running down my face. I turned around, not even bothering to pick up my bag, and ran. I just ran and ran, never turning back. I heard all the guys shouting and running after me, but I slipped into an alleyway, now in a full-blown panic (!) attack, sobbing uncontrollably. I looked around frantically, just wanting to get back home. 

When I finally found my flat, I was almost screaming, my panic (!) attack making me paranoid, feeling like I was being followed. I slammed the door behind me. I fought back the urge to go into my draw, into that draw, that held my pain at bay. I'd learnt how to fight it from my old friend, Chloe. She'd had panic (!) attacks too, but she couldn't hold it in one day, and she ended it. Just thinking about it hurt, just making my attack harder to repress. 

Suddenly, I found myself in my room, and I was holding the razor, 3 deep cuts already on my thighs. I couldn't stop. The pain helped my suffering. Before I knew it, my thighs were littered with deep, fresh, red cuts. Exhausted, I collapsed. Just before I blacked out, I heard the distant shouts of who must have been Dan, Phil and Chris, but I couldn't hear Pj. I bet he was telling Sophie she did nothing and that I just had these sometimes, that it wasn't her hug. That I was just unstable. Then I lost consciousness.

--the next day--

I opened my eyes, and bright white light flared in my face. When my eyes adjusted, I opened them fully, seeing a hospital room around me. Asleep in chairs around the room were Dan, Phil and Chris. I tried to move, but felt an overwhelming pain in my legs. Oh no, I knew what I'd done. I began to cry as I lifted the sheets off of me, seeing the bandages, soaked in blood. Upon hearing my sobs, Dan woke up, Phil and Chris were heavy sleepers. But not heavy enough to sleep through Dan screaming, 'Y/N! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA DIE!' and bursting into tears. The other two leapt up and hug me. 

'Never do that again, please,' Phil pleads.

'Okai..' I reply, smiling at how much my friends loved me. 

A/n k so hope it was good! gotta go to bed rn so this a/n gonna b short see yah soon x ~ Author-chan