Not Seeing The Obvious (NSTO)

Chapter 8

"How did the Tinder date go?" Why did Kendra have to be so nosy?

"If I ever see that guy again I am going to slap him across his face."

"You didn't answer the question." Mercedes is not helping the situation.

"I'm done discussing it with you guys."

Varsity is not getting any easier. I may have 8 modules now instead of 10 but the workload has definitely increased. The decrease in modules is how the course module co-ordinators trick many students into thinking that less modules = less work. I barely understand what is going on in lectures. And because of my lack of understanding, it discourages me to attend many lectures. When I do go and seek tutors help, I still don't understand. Maybe if the tutors were male and better looking I would be motivated to understand. I feel like self-study is what is going to help me pass. It works for many people, why wouldn't it work for me. My stress levels are rising and I feel like I am going to go insane. I am even stress eating and starting to feel the wrath of freshman 15. I have been focusing too much on studying and need a break from studying that is better than a night out. My next great option is visiting Lincoln in the hospital.

I have been seeing Lincoln almost every day and whenever I can. Procrastinating on my studying is what I have been doing. I have even visited him 3 times in one day once just to avoid studying psychology. Psych is cool but having to study for it is really draining. I visit Lincoln when his mother is not around. I don't think everything has been swept out of the carpet because she makes sure our visiting hours not clash. I don't blame her; I don't exactly want to push her buttons. It would be awkward if we were there together because I sometimes feel that she wants to fight for Lincoln's attention. And she would rig this game so that she could get an advantage and win.

I still feel Lincoln is in a mummy state and needs to wake up. He hasn't said much when I see him, but the way his face lights up when I see him is a reassuring gesture enough that he wants me to be there. I think he does realise now that he cannot walk because I always see him trying to get out of bed but failing. I am glad that he has not asked me anything about why he is not able to walk. If he could talk, he would be swearing and beating himself down about not being able to take a simple step. I try to gently push him back to relax by getting onto the bed to sit with him but I sometimes feel he gets the wrong idea.

Hopefully, one of these days he will be able to say a complete sentence. He has not said more than three words at a time. I know he has to practice his speech but I discourage him from doing it when I am around. He is trying too hard and I see it is physically hurting him and not easy for him. He has to take long pauses to say those three words. He basically pauses in every syllable of a word. The amount of energy and breathing he has to do is unbelievable.

I suggested that we both learn sign language. This is so that he won't so much strain on his voice. He prefers to speak aloud because he is trying to be as normal as he can be. I think it is because he feels I am not treating him the same as I used to. I don't know why this boy is expecting miracles from me. It has been 5 years, people change and he has changed also. All we can do is to adapt to the changes to better the future because we all know you can't repeat the past. Once a day has gone by it is gone forever.

Learning to speak is between him and his speech therapist. Charades, Hangman, and sign language are becoming our thing. We use a whiteboard as a means of communication. He seems to be enjoying it mostly because his handwriting skills are improving and almost better than mine. Unless he is just smiling to make it seem like he is enjoying this. He will talk when he is ready and I know I will not be able to shut him up.

We are playing Hangman and I must say I really suck at this game. We are playing the long version with many body parts to give me a chance. I could not get the words fire extinguisher which forced me to lose the round and giving Lincoln a chance to go again. Now he has another challenge for me with 2 words but 6 letters. The first word having 4 letters and the other one having 2 letters.