Ghost In The Snow

Chapter 7: Got Here And Now I'm Gone

While I was drifting down the street, looking at the basic, boring pavement with tears in my eyes, I suddenly noticed a "hi". I looked up, saw an awkward Mikey standing in front of me. Urgh! Why did I have to meet him now. He shouldn't see me with tears in my eyes. I wiped the tears away with my hand and faked a smile. He stared at me with a concerned look. "Hi", I said and I mentally cringed, when my voice cracked. Mikey seemed anxious, looking around and avoiding eye contact. This would be very awkward if no one said anything.

"So where are you going?", I asked Mikey, though I knew he was going to visit Ray. "I-I'm going over to Ray. Just hanging out...", Mikey stuttered with a low, shy voice. "Cool cool", I answered and scratched my arm. "Do eh... Do you want to go with me? Like, over to Ray?", he said, and I felt like he actually didn't want me to follow him.

"Nah, I'll be fine", I whispered and blinked rapidly. "I'm sure Ray wouldn't mind, you know? He loves guests." Mikey seemed a bit more confident. "Erhm, no, I have stuff to do. Like, homework", I lied. As if I was going to do my homework on a Saturday. "Oh okay... I should get going now. See you on Monday, if not sooner." Mikey smiled and hurried down the street.

I hugged myself tightly, freezing a bit. I stared down at the road, walking as fast as I could. I wanted to go home now and just relax. I turned around the corner to my house, still looking down at the ground, I ran up the stair to the front porch. I touched the doorknob, and heard another "hi". I looked around, saw Frank sitting in the corner. He stood up and brushed some sand away from his knees. He smiled like a little puppy. His eyes lit up with a hopeful sparkle."Erhm, hi", I said and smiled a tiny bit. I shouldn't show him any emotions, because then it would only be more difficult for him to realize, that I'm not interested in him. "Did you sleep well?", he asked and walked closer to me. "Yeah, I slept like a stone", I lied. "Good", he smiled.

"Did you have a good night last night? It was really nice to watch movies with you and follow you home...", he looked down for a second, but then he looked me in the eyes and smiled so much, so he couldn't hold a chuckle back. I faked a smile, or well, it wasn't really fake. You can't resist smiling back to Frank. "Ah, yeah, it was nice. The movies were great." I wondered why I said that, the movies weren't great, I mean, I barely watched them. I looked away. I knew Frank wanted to talk about the kiss or something like that, but... I just couldn't.

"You basically slept the whole time!", he laughed and tried to catch eye contact. "Well, the start of the first movie was good", I said and smiled in a sassy way. "It was alright", he said, looked down and sighed. "So I just came to get my jacket? Unless you want to keep it until Monday", he said and scratched his arm. He seemed like he knew I wasn't into him. Or maybe he was just .... I don't know. "Wait here", I said. "I'll go get your jacket." I smiled shortly and hurried inside the house. I slammed the door and leant back on it, blocking Frank to keep him outside. Deep breath.

I went upstairs and took his jacket, which laid on the floor. I stood still for a moment and looked at it while I was holding it. I tried to think. Frank seemed kinda weird right now? Like he knew something wasn't right. I should show a bit of emotion, just like normally. I mean, after all, I like him as a friend. Just not like a boyfriend. I shouldn't treat him like this. I sighed and ran down the stairs with the jacket. I took a deep breath again before I opened the door. I didn't need to do that, because when I looked out, Frank was gone.

I sat in my room thinking all Sunday. Why did Frank disappear? One second he was there, the next second he wasn't. Or to be fair, I did let him wait a couple of minutes. But still, he shouldn't have left. I really don't hope I hurt him. It would be the death of me. I couldn't bear the feeling of making Gerard a bit sad and possibly disappointed, so hurting and basically destroying Frank emotionally... Hopefully I could say sorry, or do something to make it up to him. He doesn't deserve pain. He deserves good friends and a girlfriend, who isn't me. He thought we were creating a relationship. I thought... I didn't think anything.

He was just a friend, who followed me home and suddenly kissed me. My mind was empty, I didn't really have any romantic feelings towards him, but I can't deny that was a good kiss. I couldn't really imagine Frank being a good kisser though. So I guess he really wanted that kiss.

But I didn't, not really. Maybe we should just forget that kiss and start over. Like, just be friends. Tell him I don't have feelings for him. Well, not the same feelings he has towards me. I still want to be friends with him. I feel like Frank will accept it. And soon, when me and Frank are alright, I could start getting serious with Gerard without problems.

But sometimes, and quite often it seems, things doesn't go as planned.