dragged | dan howell

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Desperado - Rihanna (i may be a little over obsessed with the song)

(Dan's P.O.V) 

Incoming text message from +**** *** ***

I was contemplating on whether or not to actually reply to the message. Who was texting me, while I was in the middle of scrolling through Tumblr? Unlocking my phone, looking at the message, and I realise exactly who was texting me those texts.

Apparent Naomi: Hello to the asshole that spoke to me before I scrolled thru Tumblr.

Asshole: So you put my name as asshole?

Apparent Naomi: And you put my name as Apparent Naomi. What made you so sure that it was me. For all you know is that it could've been PJ, because he got a new phone and a new sd card.

Asshole: Well what u sent me made it obvious. 

Apparent Naomi: I will rip you apart, stalker.

Asshole: I will rip your clothes off the next time I see you in real life.

Apparent Naomi: Desperado.

Desperado: SO YOU FUCKING CHANGED MY FUCKING NAME TO FUCKING DESPERADO?!

Rihanna: First: How many times did u say fucking in that sentence? Second: WHY'D YOU DUCKING CHANGE MY FUCKING NAME TO FUCKING RIHANNA.

Desperado: Rihanna wrote the song, and she says 'if you want, we could be runaways, running from any sight of love' I mean we both cringe when we see people sucking others faces off in public..

Rihanna: Don't you fucking remind me about that.

Desperado: This proves that you never have a clean mouth.

Rihanna: At 11:11 I don't 

Desperado: And the minute you sent me that message 11:11 came.

Rihanna: And it's 11:12 now, so I can fucking swear again motherfucking asshole.

Desperado: Wow, do you have any regrets?

Rihanna: Meeting you.

Desperado: Mean.

Rihanna: Wait a second..

Desperado: What? 

Rihanna: Done.

Drake: What'd you do?

Rihanna: Did you not notice?

Drake: Aww, Rihanna and Drake were iconic.

Rihanna: Note that you said were, they broke up, and so did our minute lasting friendship lmao.

Drake: Bitch.

Rihanna: Fine.

Drake: Are you gonna change my name back to 'Desperado'? 

Rihanna: Yes.

Desperado: THANK YOU.

Rihanna: So you liked being called Desperado.

Desperado Yes.

Rihanna: Why?

Desperado: Because my parents used to own a Monte Carlo.

Rihanna: xD and it's old now?

Desperado: Exactly.

Rihanna: Smart ass. But that also means your heart is hollow.

Desperado: It is.

Rihanna: So you don't have feelings?

Desperado: ExAcTlY.

Rihanna: Anyway, leading away from the subject of Rihanna, are you still alive and breathing?

Desperado: ...

Rihanna: ..?

Desperado: Rest In Peace Daniel James Howell. He will be missed.

Rihanna: FUCK OFF ASSHOLE.

Desperado: The note he left for you is 'ugh'

Rihanna: Dan. I have some bad news.

Desperado: Yes.

Rihanna: HA. Can you come over, you poor ass peasant-like bitch.

Desperado: Why?

Rihanna: I have something for you. 

Desperado: What?

Rihanna: Something that you'll like..

Desperado: WHAT?!

Rihanna: Just come you peasant. Living in a small ass house while I'm living in luxury.

Desperado: A hotel room? By the way, my house is as big as yours so fuck off

Rihanna: My surprisingly big house.

Desperado: I'm in a taxi right now, so expect it to be 10 minutes from now.

Rihanna: Then let's kill time.

Desperado: 20 questions?

Rihanna: Lets do it. Me first. Why the fuck are you so annoying?

Desperado: I don't know, but that's a bit random. Why are you so obsessed with strawberry martinis?

Rihanna: I AM NOT!

Desperado: You are so.

Rihanna: You know that this conversation has lasted an hour because you suck at typing back?

Desperado: Then I should be at your house in no time.

Rihanna: That literally took four minutes for you to type?

Desperado: NO!

Rihanna: A total of thirty seconds for 3-4 taps?

Desperado: What do I do about it?

Rihanna: I don't know, maybe open the door yourself?

Desperado: How'd you know I arrived?

Rihanna: Like I can't see out my living rooms window. The taxi pulled up, the keys underneath

Desperado: Oh yeah,

"DID YOU GET YOUR HOUSE KEY BACK FROM BRENDON??"

***

[Edited]