[15] Thank you for the music

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by sobies

by sobies

Demi's PoV

I slowly walked out on the bridge in front of me and watched as all the busy people walked past me, not acknowledging me unless I was in their way.
Always in the way. Never enough as I am.

I got stopped by a woman asking me to take a photo of her and, what I suppose was her family, in broken English. I grabbed the camera and took a couple of photos of them together, smiling in front of the great view of the bridge. So happy, so careless, without any problems at all. Loving each other, taking care of each other.

The thought made me sick because I knew I would never get that, I wasn't worth of it. I handed back her camera with a small, fake smile and she thanked me before hurrying away with her family. Busy with something else, she would forget about me, like everyone else did.

I turned around and kept walking out on the bridge ahead of me. The wind was blowing in my hair and a small shiver went up my spine. I stopped in the middle of the bridge and looked over the railing, is this where I want to die? I don't know but I do know that I want to die. I leaned over and looked down at water beneath me, it must be freezing now in December.

December. Almost Christmas and all I could wish for was to die. It would make great headlines too. ''Demi Lovato, 32 year old singer and actress, found dead in the Hudson river'' or ''Demi Lovato, artist and post-drug addict, commit suicide in the Hudson river''. My name would get viral on twitter too with some stupid hashtag like ''#RIPDemiLovato'', like it would make a difference. My music would sell like never before though since people always seem to pity the dead and respect them when in reality all they do is disrespect them whilst they're still alive.

I had to see her one last time though so instead of swinging my leg over the railing I turned around and walked back. I arrived at the school at 8:37pm and the hallways were basically empty. Everyone who are at school at this time are in the auditorium so I didn't have to be afraid that I would meet someone. I walked in to it as quiet and careful as I could and took a seat in the shadows in the very back, hoping no one would notice me.

They were in the middle of the act when I walked in. It took a moment before I saw her on the scene but when I did I got really happy and sad at the same time. All I wanted to do was run up to her and hug her. I wanted to hold her and tell her I loved her and that I was sorry that I left her when she was a baby. I wanted to say that I was sorry that I hadn't reached out to her, I wanted to explain everything, but I couldn't.

I couldn't do that to her. She was happier unaware that I was her mother, unaware that I was something more than just another celebrity to her. Just another celebrity.

That is what I am. Just another celebrity, putting their career before everything else. I hated myself for choosing that path. I hated myself for doing what I loved, because it made it impossible to love me.

A tear rolled down my cheek. 8:52pm. 8 minutes until it was about to end. I looked at her one last time before walking out again. My manager called as I walked out of the school building but I just turned my phone off and continued to walk. I couldn't talk to anyone as of right now, especially not him.

I sighed as I walked down the street. Is this when I go back to the bridge and end it all? I heard wheels screeching and I looked up to see a car right in front of me. The driver was shouting, probably cursing me for being in the way. That's when the realization hit me. I could've died. If the driver hadn't seen me until just a second later I would probably be dead by now. I took a shaky breath and started walking again. Shit. I could've died.

I looked up at the sky. Not a single star in sight. I sighed as the wind was pulling my hair and my jacket. A man stopped and asked if I was okay. Am I okay? I told him that I was just fine and that I was only enjoying the sight. He agreed that it was a pretty massive view with the river dividing the city in two. The greatest city of them all.

He eventually left and then it was only the bridge and I. The air was fresh. Cold but fresh and it made me feel alive. I closed my eyes and leaned a little over the reeling. I even dared to smile a little. Is this it? Is this the end?

I opened my eyes and pushed the hair out of my face. A lifelong career. A daughter. A team who depends on me. Is this it for them too? Is this the moment a career ends? A daughter loses her mother? A team left unemployed?

I giggle to myself as I start humming on an old song. Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing. The giggle turned into a laughter. Thanks for all the joy they're bringing. I look up at the sky and sing out loud. Who can live without, I ask in all honesty. What would life be? Every show has an end. Without a song or a dance what are we? Maybe this is the end of my show. Maybe this is when the music goes silent. So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me.

Just wanted to tune in and tell you guys that I'm currently writing a new story called "Worlds collide." and well, you can say that it's about two worlds colliding. Feel free to check it out!