Some things never stay the same.....

Chapter 4

Colleen POV

I need to make sure he is ok. I pick up my phone as I sit in my room alone and start typing.

JOSHUA .... I just wanted to make sure you are ok and taking care of yourself.

I hit send and watch for him to reply and I get zero response. Doesn't even show that he read it. I try to keep myself busy but still can't get my mind off of him. I need to go see him. I grab my phone and run down the stairs. I grab my car keys and jump into my car to drive there. I start driving and follow the directions on my phone. He doesn't know I have his address.
I pull up in front of his apartment building and take a deep breath. I haven't seen him in two months. I climb out of the car and make my way to his door. I take the elevator to his floor and walk down the hallway until I see apartment 1807. I stand in front of the door and knock. The door opens and I see Lisa. I wasn't expecting her to still be here. "Hi Lisa" I say nervously. "What are you doing here?" She asks angrily. "I wanted to uhhh" I start to stutter. "Make sure he is ok?" She asks. I nod and start tearing up. She has always been so nice and kind and I can tell the anger level towards me is high. "You crushed him. Plain and simple. He has done nothing to you to treat him like this" she says starting to cry. "This was a bad idea. I am sorry" I say crying as I quickly turn away walking down the hall. I hear the door slam close and it vibrates through me. I am sobbing as I walk down the hall to the elevator. I hear the elevator doors open and go to walk on when I walk into someone. "Sorry" I say not even looking up. "Colleen?" I hear a familiar voice ask. I look up and see Josh. He has lost a ton of weight and the colour in his face is gone. "Why are you here?" He asks coldly. I see the pain in his eyes. He is crushed. I start to cry. "It was a bad idea. I came to see if you were ok" I say quietly. "Do I look ok?" He asks. I don't even look at him. "I heard you were in the hospital. I'm sorry" I say moving past him to get on the elevator. He walks in and corners me. "Answer me Colleen" he demands. "You don't look good" I say. "Look at me" he says softly. I look into his eyes. The sparkle has disappeared. "I hate to hear that you were in hospital" I say. He nods and tears up. "I had nothing to live for. My life was you and me. You knew my fear of failure and when we broke up I hit rock bottom" he says. "I still care Josh" I say. "Colleen thank you but if you don't want me everyday, I can't handle seeing you here and there. I am sure you understand" he says crying now. "Again I am sorry" I say as I exit the elevator and walk towards my car. I feel his hand on me and spins me to face him. "Thank you Colleen" he says briefly smiling. He hugs me and I cling onto him. "Please don't harm yourself" I whisper. He squeezes me so hard as we both cry. I let go of him quickly and spin around again making my way into my car. I start it up and drive away. I look back into my rear view mirror and see Josh staring at my car as I drive away. He is a changed man. A crushed man. I will never get that image out of my mind.