Regrets

[Chapter Two]

'please Akhi for the sake of Allah, don't' I tried pulling my arms.

But instead of letting me go he held onto my arms even tighter to the extent causing to bruise my arms, he grabbed a pocket knife out of his pockets.

'please' i started to prickle with fear, and my shirt was now soaked in with my helpless tears.

'the more you move the more it'll hurt you, so shhh' he threatened as he pressed his index finger on my lips causing me to whimper.

And started to scrape the knife on my skin, imitating the scar on his arm.

I couldn't bear it, as soon as i saw the cherry red liquid escaping my skin.

I think I passed out.

After a couple of minute, I was conscious again.

My eyes felt so heavy and sore from all the cryings. I got up by my foot. And trudged heading towards the bathroom.

Rapidly pulling the toilet paper, wrapping it around my stinging arm, it wouldn't stop the bleeding or the intense pain it gives me, which only made me want to die more sooner.

Asthghfirullah.

I've been standing in the bathroom washing my arm for about a solid five minutes and I'm still bleeding, it's not as heavy as it was two minutes ago but Alhamdullilah, it'll stop in any minute however the burning sensation doesn't seem to stop.

I called my uncle a couple of times again, no one answered. It's been a week since he said he'll take me back to his place. It feels like no one actually cares about me anymore. Technically to my surprise not even my own blood uncles and aunts.

It's quite sad that im all by my self, I wish I had the strength to take care of my self. Or to even get out of the college.

For years ive been moving from college to college, but he wouldn't give up following me everywhere I go like my tail, I'd hide every corner and move to new colleges. But he ends up finding me, God knows how.

And no one has ever dared to come up and talk to me, everyone believed that I abuse my self like a little self abusive kid, and that i'm probably a bad influence to other people.

I felt like I don't belong to the human race anymore.

Every new student that places their foot on the ground, is well aware of me and the awful rumor they believed.

No one would dare to sit next to me.

Rumors about me kept spreading around the neighborhood like virus, I feel so disgusted to even be alive now.

My scars are all visible, I tried each and every home made treatment to get rid of the ugly scars.

Lemon and sugar scrub? To my convenient nothing works.

It's like i'm born with scars. The best part of it is that I'm a hijabi, no one would be able to see my arms or my legs.

Except for this one time when he literally ripped my abayah to pieces in front of the entire classroom, making a mock out of me, no one lent me a helping hand or tried defend me, even the teachers are helpless. They actually believed that I was harming my self and I was told off to go to the therapist.

And then I changed my college. And no matter which corner I hide. He'll always try to put his nose everywhere I go.

My fear of his presence started increasing as days pass. His evil face, threats and swears made me feel as if the entire universe wants me dead.

But i know it wasn't right.

I should stand up for my self knowing that Allah is always by my side no matter what.

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Jazakumullahu khairan peeps, just remember if anyone has abandoned you, or talks behind your back.

Just be strong enough to ignore them, stand up for your self know how worth you are as a person, as a human being. And that you're here for a reason!

Allah will test you from each and every angle of your life. Don't lose your self for anyone. Don't try to please anyone except Allah alone. Don't even try changing yourself for anyone except Allah (swt).

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