take my hand - joshler

20//

"dude, i really miss you" tyler was talking to ryan over the phone.

"i miss you too man, and if it wasn't for my stupid fucking dad deciding to move four hours out of ohio, i would see you tomorrow"

ryan's dad got a new job opportunity four hours away from ohio. ryan hated it, tyler hated it, and all their friends hated it.

tyler and ryan had to eventually stop talking to each other because it was late. ryan somehow helped relieve some of his anxiety about josh without even doing anything. tyler missed ryan.

in fact, tyler loved ryan.

and he only came to this realisation today.

by love, i mean, love. like he loves josh.

tyler felt like pure shit because he had a crush on his best friend while he was dating his other best friend.

it almost made him feel bad enough to, you know, 'paint' on his arm.

but he kept those feeling as far back into his mind as possible, ignoring it.

but who could blame tyler? ryan was absolutely perfect. he had brown hair and eyes and a cute face shape and just cute everything. he wore heaps of eyeliner and had scruffy hair. ryan was gorgeous, and only very few people recognised it because he was gay.

and when you're gay, you're the ugliest thing alive, according to some people.

ryan was very insecure about his sexuality and his face. he looked in the mirror feeling like all he was looking at was a disappointment. no matter what, he couldn't get over how stupid and ugly he was. he fucking hated it, but that's just the way it has to be.

tyler felt abnormal feelings towards ryan, and he couldn't think of anyone he could tell.

well, there is one person...

tyler: i need to tell you something that's making me feel shit

melanie: rant to me baby

tyler: you seriously can not tell people, but i'm pretty sure i'm inlove with ryan, and by inlove i mean, the way i love josh, kind of inlove. the way that makes you feel as if you want to date the person you have these feelings towards.

melanie: why is that a bad thing? ryan's hot

tyler: yeah, but i've known him for ages, it feels weird.

melanie: i'm sure if you tell him, you'll feel a lot better

tyler: but what if it ruins our friendship?

melanie: with a friendship as strong as yours, it's hard to destroy it, especially over something like this

tyler: is it bad that i'm really stressing about having a crush on my best friend?

melanie: of course not, it would be weird, i can imagine

after his convo with melanie, tyler felt a bit better. there wasn't much that could make him better. he didn't want to throw his burdens onto josh as josh was dealing with a lot. so he did what melanie told him to do.

ryan: i stg if he does it again

tyler: lmao

tyler: can i tell you something? it may be a shock and make you uncomfortable but i feel as if i need to tell you

ryan: go ahead

tyler: well, i think i have a huuuge crush on you

ryan had seen the message but he didn't reply. this made tyler super anxious.

what if he hates me now? what if our friendship is over? what if...

all these 'what ifs' were invading tyler's mind. it had been two hours and ryan hadn't replied.

12:32am came too quick and tyler assumed ryan was asleep.

but he wasn't.

ryan was laying awake in bed thinking about the last message his best friend sent him. he was shocked, to say the least. but it made him think. about everything.

what if i have a crush on tyler joseph?

at this point in time, ryan was very confused and unsure. he decided to reply to tyler.

ryan: i love you, tyler joseph. a lot

this relieved the pair a little bit. tyler didn't answer because it was late. he decided to sleep. as did ryan. then another thing crossed tyler's mind.

tomorrow's the first day at school without ryan. without his best friend.

without his favourite person in the world.

this shattered tyler.

school was going to be hell tomorrow.