take my hand - joshler

14//

tomorrow came eventually and tyler was still wide awake. he hadn't had a wink of sleep and was tired as hell. but the feeling. the dark green feeling. it wasn't gone. it wouldn't go away for a while.

tyler got up and went into the bathroom. his brown hair was slightly covering his brown eyes and he could hardly see through the parted hair. he moved his hair off to the side and looked at himself in the mirror.

"why would josh love me anyway? look at me, i'm a mess"

tyler went back into his room after gently splashing his face with warm water. he placed his macbook on his lap and saw he had three messages from josh.

jishwa: tyler its 3:30am are you awake?

jishwa: tyler i'm shaking and i feel like i upset you

jishwa: if you don't hear from me for a while, don't be worried. i'm fine

tyler instantly got worried and messaged josh.

tyjo: josh, are you all good?

tyler waited ten minutes.

no reply.

tyjo: josh if this is a game it isn't funny

tyler waited again and still no reply.

tyjo: right i'm coming over.

tyler got dressed and told his mum where he was going. she didn't answer him, she just nodded her head and continued watching tv.

tyler ran as fast as could down to the dun household. he knocked on the door. to his surprise, a 13 year old girl answered.

"are you josh's friend?" she asked quietly.

"y-yeah, is he, is he here?"

"i, um, hate to say this but no. no, he's at the hospital"

"what!? why??"

"he said he doesn't want me to tell you"

the girl closed the door. tyler instantly knew he had to go to josh. he sprinted down the street and around the corner onto alley street. this was the street the hospital was located on.

he walked inside trembling like a drunk guy in a dark room. the place was packed out and tyler didn't think he would even make it in alive let alone out. luckily enough, he made it to the receptionist.

"uh, hi. do you, um, which room is joshua dun in?"

"room 322, down the hall take a left and then take another left at the end, you'll fine it" the receptionist smiled at the shaking boy.

"thankyou, i appreciate it"

tyler walked through the crowded corridors, following the kind lady's directions. he made it to room 320.

"does he even want to see me?" tyler whispered to himself. at this point in time, however, he didn't care about what josh wanted. because he wanted to see josh.

the door to the room was open and there lay the blue haired boy, asleep in the boring uncomfortable hospital bed. he didn't open his eyes. tyler slowly walked in, a nurse greeting him in his arrival.

"is, is he okay?"

"i'm sure he'll be alright" the nurse answered "he'll just need some time in here to recover"

"recover from?"

"the accident. he got hit by a car"

tyler's body shivered and he made his way to josh's bed.

"j-josh?"

josh slowly opened his mocha eyes, looking directly into tyler's soft eyes.

"tyler, why are you here? i said don't worry about me?"

"i don't care what you said. i'm worried about you. what the hell happened?"

"i don't want to tell you, it might make you upset"

"idont care if it makes me cry. i need to know"

"okay, but, tyler? remember none of this is your fault, this is all on me"

"i'm prepared to listen josh"

"well, last night i felt i had upset you. i felt like i had failed the one person who i truly loved because i didn't have faith in us. i wanted to end everything right there and then because this isn't the first time i've done this. i've lost people because of my dick moves. i've lost family members, such as my dad, because they can't stand me i just wanted a happy life and i fucked it up. so i thought, why not just end it now? so i tried. i went outside and luckily enough there was a car coming at full speed around the corner. i walked in front of him, he hit me, i almost died. unfortunately, i'm still here because because my brother was awake and heard the whole thing. he called the ambulance while my sister woke my parents up and thy saved me. but fuck tyler, i would do anything to be dead right now"

tyler didn't know how to handle all of this. how to handle the fact that the person he cares about most tried to commit suicide last night. he wanted to cry, but he couldn't.

"josh, i"

"tyler, you don't need to say anything. this is my fault. all of it. i should be dead"

"no! no you shouldn't!"

"why not? i'm not good to anyone"

"josh, you're the reason i'm alive. the reason i'm still fucking breathing"

"why? all i do is make you feel shit an-"

"you make me feel like the happiest person alive. all the time. last night was a down point, yes. but i still love you all the same. your my baby, josh. you may be older than me but fuck i love you and care for you like i care for nobody else"

tyler hugged josh. not too tightly as josh was sore, but enough to show josh that he cared. that he loved him.

"tyler, i'm sorry"

"josh, as long as you're still alive you don't need to be sorry"

"wh-what if, i, what if i die?"

"we're all gonna die one day, josh. but we were put in this earth for a reason, and killin ourselves is defying our purpose. we need to make the most of everything. even though some people have destroyed the earth and made not feel safe, we don't have to feel like fuck ups"

"tyler, i d-"

"you can do it, josh. i managed to stay alive through years of bullying and suicidal thoughts, and im sure you can too"

"what if i can't?"

"well, that's what i'm here for"